


The Nurturer

by finch (afinch)



Category: The Giver Series - Lois Lowry
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Corrections, Complex Dystopia, Pre-Canon, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:11:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2818295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afinch/pseuds/finch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days add up, though nothing ever seems to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nurturer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bookwormsarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookwormsarah/gifts).



> Jonas' father has always fascinated me, so here is a story, nearly as long as The Giver itself, about him, and the Community, and Jonas. Many references have been made to the books; everything that is not-mine is cited in the final end note. Some final notes on the "fic" can also be found there. 
> 
> Thank you to the one who helped me figure out population numbers and counts, thank you to the one who consistently held my hand and pushed at me to finish this, thank you to the beta who assured me that I was going in the right direction, and thank you to the betas who checked and double-checked everything in this story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_He stood at the bank of the river, calling his son's name over and over again. "Jonas! Jonas! Jonas!" But the river echoed nothing back. The only sound was the water moving across the stones. He couldn't help but peer at them - waiting, looking for some sign._

_"Jonas!" He screamed over and over again, until he was performing his own Ceremony of Loss, Jonas' name slipping into the current of the river, until he could speak no more._

* * *

The first time Ellis saw Release, he was fascinated. Of course. A newchild was not thriving and needed to be removed from the community, it made _sense_. It worked, it kept the community safe. 

He felt a little proud, that he was an Assistant Nurturer, and got to help keep the community where it should be. Pride was dangerous though, he knew that, and he knew he had to bring it up at the Sharing of Feelings.

"I'm very proud," Ellis said quietly. "Part of my job is making sure the community runs the way it should - keeping out those who are not thriving and sending them to Elsewhere."

Katya gave a little 'tuft' and Ellis looked chagrined. Undoubtedly, when it was her turn, she would say she was impatient, because she wanted to ride her bicycle. Katya was a lively child; she would not be a good Nurturer. In three years' time, he would go watch her be assigned. He didn't know what Katya would be good at. 

His mother worked in the Hall of Open Records and his father was worked at the Fish Hatchery. He didn't think he'd be good at what either of them did. He liked nurturing things.

"It's okay to take pride in your work, it's encouraged," his mother said, smiling. "I take pride in making sure the records are accurate and complete."

"Me as well," said his father. "Pride is natural. One must keep from being too prideful, though. Is your pride boastfulness?"

Ellis thought about it, while Katya wriggled in her seat; Ellis had to suppress a smile. He had been right, she was impatient. 

"It's different than what you do," Ellis said, finally. He kept the words from his training in his mind, _You are permitted to lie about Release_. Even his rather large Assignment folder had informed him that he could not talk about Release. They didn't know what it really was, and he wanted to explain it, but he felt - glad, that he had the secret. "I feel glad to participate in Release. It makes me feel proud to be so important."

Katya's impatience got the better of her, and she spoke up. "I think you should be happy to contribute to the community," she said. "Mother has an important job maintaining records, and Father makes sure we have food. Yours isn't any more important than theirs."

She might be impatient, but she was very rational, far more than he was. Perhaps she would go into Law. He would have to remember to suggest to her that she volunteer when it was her turn to speak.

"We're all important," his father said. "Ellis, do you see how it's allowed to take pride in your work, and you should, but being boastful leads to thinking that you are above anyone else in the community. Only the Elders are above, and it takes a long time to be an Elder."

"Maybe I'll be an Elder," Ellis said, but his father shook his head.

"The Elders are humble. They understand that their role is to shape the community. The Elders rule when there is discord, but they are not boastful about their position. They weigh things careful, considerably. Do you think you would make a good Elder in being boastful about an aspect of your job?"

He wanted to tell them about Release, to let them know how wonderful it really was - they weren't sending people who couldn't thrive, or were too old to go cause problems in another community, but keeping _all_ communities safe. It was best they not know, though, and he nodded at what his father was saying.

"I would be a bad Elder; I would abuse the position. They would have to Release me!" He laughed at his own joke, and his parents smiled back. 

Katya seized the opportunity, "Is it my turn now?" She barged ahead when nobody immediately stopped her. "Today I had to sit in class and all I wanted to do was go ride my bike. I'm getting really good at it, thanks to what Ellis showed me, and today I helped Guillermo balance better …"

Ellis stopped paying attention as Katya prattled on. He knew his parents were right, but he also wish he had someone to share in the fascination of Release with. 

* * *

He was the only Nurturer's Assistant named that year, but there were two others with him, both not too far above him. Nash, a man with a booming loud voice that could drop to a whisper in seconds, was quickly becoming his closest friend. Sara was a no-nonsense girl who found their shenanigans eye-roll inducing rather than endearing. There were other Nurturers, of course, but they were their own core group. 

He was assigned as Kenichi's Assistant. Kenichi had shown him Release, and was now showing him how to update the files for each newchild.

"Each family unit, when they receive their child, gets a letter. In this letter, we put a feeding schedule for the younger newchildren, discipline guidelines - each new family unit gets a discipline wand with their first child - and we like to add in a bit about the personality of the child as well," Kenichi explained. "Not all of them have fully developed personalities, but information about if their child is one who fusses easily, or if they are good at keeping themselves occupied, that sort of thing."

Ellis nodded, wishing he could take notes. 

"It comes pretty easily. For instance, the Two. What would you say about her?"

Kenichi picked up Two, who was irritated by this shift, and let it be known with a few cries of disapproval.

"Well, she's a bit finicky," Ellis said, watching Kenichi calm the infant. "She pulls her legs up during changes and it makes wrapping her back up a bit difficult."

Kenichi nodded, "That's about right. She doesn't fuss during feedings, and she burps easily. Now, she'll be taking her first steps for the Naming Ceremony, probably, so some of this you'll be cutting out in your letter. They'll be able to start training her on the toilet very soon after they're assigned to her, so the information about her changings will likely left out." He placed the girl back in her bed, and this time she sighed in pleasure, and was asleep in moments.

Of course. It all made sense. It all made a lot of sense. Ellis was glad he had Kenichi to guide him. Nash was assistant to Paloma, who took everything very seriously, including playtime with the children. Magdalene was the only Nurturer that Ellis wasn't fond of. She was a bit harsh with the Assistants. Sara said it was because she wanted to be promoted, but Lila had been promoted instead.

The structure of the Center was very streamlined. There was the Head, Svetlana, followed by Supervisors - Oleg, Lila, and another man named Rudy. Then came Nurturers, like Kenichi, Paloma, and Magdalene, and then the Assistants, him and Nash and Sara, as well as a few others who had been there for a few years. 

The Center was divided into rooms; ten newchildren to each room, assigned by number. Of course, they were only in there for sleeping and napping, most of the time, the infants were in the main room. There, the newchildren learned to interact with each other, which was the first step in development. 

At the beginning of the year, like now, the more Senior Nurturers and Supervisors busied themselves with paperwork, leaving the newest newchildren to those ranked lower. It gave them experience with the children, for which Ellis was grateful. Kenichi was the sort of Nurturer who liked to let Ellis be as hands-on as possible. 

During lunch, everyone split off in the lunch room. Even Kenichi sat with the other Nurturers, leaving the Assistants to sit by themselves. 

Lunch was when they could each discuss what they had learned that day, and Nash and Sara were all too happy to give Ellis pointers about the best way to handle the babies. 

"You gotta make a noise like this 'tttttttssssss'," Nash said, his plate already cleared. "Trust me. Nothing will get a finicky baby to sleep faster than that." 

"And be careful with peek-a-boo," Sara added, taking her time with her meal. "Some of them aren't ready for it, and they get scared. Remember the Forty from last year who would wail every single time?"

"Oh yes," Nash said, a devilish smile on his face. "Put that right in the letter for the family, that they might not want to play that game with their newchild. Wonder how he's going to turn out." 

"No skitterish job for him," Sara laughed. "Could you imagine him on Food Delivery? Jumping at every noise?"

Ellis looked back and forth at them. They were so happy, which made him happy. he couldn't imagine being anywhere else. 

* * *

After having been there for a year, Ellis was getting the feel of being a Nurturer. There was still a lot to learn, but as the days progressed on, it got more and more routine. He was surprised to find he had been there for a year, as the Ceremony caught him off-guard. Even with school, it was easy to lose track of time. 

Katya was an Eleven now, and he told time through her progression. Once she was Assigned at the following Ceremony, he would probably lose track until he had his own children. 

One of the things that made it easy to settle were the volunteers who would come in. Some of them were barely not-newchildren themselves, shy little Eights who were fascinated by the newchildren. Some were like himself, and had been volunteering steadily, and were about to be Twelves, hoping to get assigned Nurturer. 

It was true that assignments were something that could be semi-predicted. For one, when Nancy retired, there was an opening that would go to one of the young Elevens who volunteered. 

One of those Elevens was named Roman, and he came in every so often with his friend Christopher. Christopher wanted to be a Nurturer, but Ellis had his doubts about the boys ability to fully care for the infants; he didn't handle it very well when the infants needed soothing. Soothing wasn't done outside the Nurturing Center, and Christopher was uncomfortable with the concept. Roman, on the other hand, would care for the newchildren tenderly.

They would discuss it, after the volunteers had left, or while the children were in school. 

"Nancy's going to be upset if it's another male assigned," Sara said offhandedly as a group of them did a final changing on the newchildren. 

Ellis made a face, though that was also in part due to the rather stinky Thirty-Three. "You know the Elders give it to the best candidate for the job. What female comes close? There's Elya, but I think she wants to be in the Childcare center more than she wants to be a Nurturer."

"She likes the older ones, yes," Nancy said, rocking a fussy Thirteen as she did. "But she'd be good here. And Sara is right, too many males already. There's you, Nash, Kenichi …"

"I like Roman. I'd rather him than Christopher, any day of the week. Not that Christopher isn't a nice boy, but he really doesn't do well with the tiny infants. He'd be better maybe as an instructor?" Ellis suggested. He was relieved that Thirty-Three hadn't put up a fuss during the changing; babies who fussed and twisted about during changes only resulted in making themselves dirtier.

Sara shook her head, "No, he's got some soft edges, though. Maybe Childcare Center? He does have that kindness about him. And he talks to the newchildren all the time. Almost as much as you do, Ellis."

She turned from the group, setting down the Nine who hurriedly crawled back to the play center.

Talking to the newchildren was encouraged, but Ellis did have a habit of talking to them more than his colleagues did. He had worried about it for a time, before realizing that everyone did things differently. Nancy prefered to soothe in a soft whisper, nearly a hum, which Sara swayed back and forth, and Nash liked to sit and rock. Ellis liked to talk. He had a soothing enough voice, as he had no issues getting the newchildren to quiet down. 

"We'll just have to see what happens at the Ceremony," he said. "Nancy, I hope you enjoy the House of the Old - maybe you'll see Roman." He added a smile. He was going to genuinely miss Nancy, she had been one of his mentors when he was a Twelve just starting out. 

Of course, her leaving meant that there was a higher position available, and they would probably all move up. No longer would be be an Assistant Nurturer, he would be a full Nurturer, now. It made him feel good about himself. 

Also of note this year would be Katya's Assignment. She would be Assigned, he would be Nurturer, and his training complete, and he would move out the dwelling. Depending on Katya's Assignment, she would move out soon, and his parents would leave their dwelling. Eventually he'd move into a dwelling with a spouse. It was a circle, a nearly perfect one.

In no time at all, the days passed down to the Ceremony, where the newchildren were assigned. The One for the year, a boy named Kim, was all to eager to toddle into his parents' arms, babbling happily. The Fifty, named Michio, was only a few weeks old, and transitioned sleepily into his new parents' arms. 

Then came the wait. Ellis could pick who he wanted to sit with for this Ceremony. He could sit with his parents for one last time and they could all watch Katya get Assigned, or he could sit with his colleagues and watch the volunteers get assigned. For him, the choice was easy; he selected his colleagues. 

Watching the Ceremony without children of one's own was rather boring; even Nash nodded off at one point. 

"We're at the Twelves," he whispered to Nash, waking him so they could watch the Ceremony together. 

Christopher, number Seven, was assigned to the House of the Old; Sara had a fixed smile on her face.

Katya was Twenty-Nine, and Ellis sat up straighter as the Chief Elder discussed her childhood. Then came the Assignment - Birthmother - and Ellis didn't know how to feel. Proud, he supposed. Katya wasn't the sort to think there was a lack of dignity in her assignment, and Ellis felt a bit proud of that. She had been the one encouraging him these past few years, keeping him on an even keel. 

The only shame was that she would never be an Elder. Katya had a lot of wisdom and would have made a good Elder. Thirty, a rather dour looking boy, was assigned Engineer, which he at least looked happy about. 

Then Elya, Thirty One, was assigned to the Childcare Center as a child assistant. Sara's smile relaxed at this point, and every time Ellis caught her eye, she'd quickly look away. He hoped she didn't think she was being too boastful. Sara was good with knowing what people liked. It made her a good Nurturer - even if the infants couldn't tell her, she'd know. 

Roman was Thirty Four, and Ellis was a little surprised when he was the one assigned as a Nurturer Assistant. He had said he preferred Roman to Christopher, and the Elders must have been listening, because they had placed Roman there. 

Roman did not look pleased with the course of events, and scowled as he left the stage. Ellis had the impression that the boy was unhappy with his Assignment. 

So it was with a bit of apprehension that Ellis approached the Nurturing Center the following morning, knowing that Roman would be joining them that afternoon.

"I think I'll give him to you, Ellis," Kenichi said without preamble. "You've worked well with him while he's volunteered here, and I know he'll appreciate a friendly face. I'll still be his supervisor, but you two can work together." 

"He didn't seem happy about his assignment," Sara said, and Ellis thought she looked worried. It wasn't his place to say anything to her, nor Kenichi's, so neither of them addressed it. 

The day passed slowly with no newchildren around. A Birthmother was due in a few days and with himself guiding Roman, Roman would be able to attend a birth for the first time and see how the process worked. 

However, when Roman arrived, he was not pleased with Ellis' suggestion.

"Fine," was all Roman said, and Ellis looked at him sharply. He remembered seeing Release for the first time himself, and how overjoyed he had been with watching a birth and weighing the newchild. 

"Is anything wrong, Roman?" Ellis asked, trying not to realize the fact that he was only a few years older than Roman. 

"No," was all Roman said, and Ellis didn't press further. 

The birth was uneventful, the blindfolded Birthmother was on her third newchild, and the birth passed without much complication at all. 

"Then we wrap him up, just like this," Ellis instructed, demonstrating a loose wrap. He slipped the fabric off the newborn. "Here, you try, careful with him."

Roman roughly grabbed the fabric, pulling it tightly across the baby, who gasped and cried. Kenichi was watching, though he made no effort to correct Roman, instead watching Ellis handle the situation.

"No, no," Ellis said softly. "Gently, like when you were volunteering. The new ones are incredibly fragile."

Looking back on it, he wished he had said something about it then. But when Kenichi asked how he thought it had gone, he replied that it had gone fine; Roman seemed to be mellowing out, and was gently feeding the One. It was like he was a volunteer again. 

But by the time they were at Five, Ellis knew he had to say something. Roman was gruff with the newchildren, and often made them cry. It was different than how Roman had acted as a Nine, Ten, and Eleven, coming to volunteer with the children. Ellis tried to be patient and nurturing with Roman, but Roman was elusive, and never talked about it. 

"You should send him to be judged," Nash mused to Ellis one day, as they watched Roman place One back in his crib as though he were dropping off his bike to be repaired. "His behavior needs correcting."

"I know, but I am apprehensive about what will happen to him," Ellis said. He frowned. "Not apprehensive about a punishment. Apprehensive about his coming back." 

It was the first time he'd suggested that he didn't want Roman coming back, even if his behavior was corrected. 

"Have you taken it to Kenichi?" Nash asked. "You should. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather work twice as hard to be short a Nurturer this year than have him continue to make the newchildren cry."

"Kenichi says he'll learn with time," Ellis said, his voice hard. He was surprised to find that he was upset about it. "I think Kenichi is afraid of upsetting the Elders with a mistake. It looks poorly on him, too, as Roman is his Assistant as well." 

Nash thought about this. "Might look poorly on him, but it's not about him. It's about the newchildren. He is being selfish; his behavior needs correcting as well." 

"You remind me of Katya," Ellis said. "You'll make a good Elder someday, Nash." He left the man alone to supervise Roman and busied himself with paperwork for the remainder of the day. 

In bed that night, he could not sleep; Roman had made Number Five - a tiny writhing little boy - cry over and over again when he changed him. It wasn't fair to Number Six, who would be joining them in just a few days, to continue to put up with Roman. 

That morning, as he rode to work, he veered off course, heading for the Community Elders. He had never made a complaint before about a member of the Community. He realized he should have asked someone the proper way to go about it, but it wasn't something that came up.

"I apologize for being out of place," Ellis began to the Elder, who smiled kindly at him. "I feel there is a mistake with the placement of the Twelve, Roman, as a Nurturer." He said it all in one breath, realizing he was nervous about what he was doing. He might have been breaking the rules. What if _he_ wound up in front of a Judge?

"Your apology is accepted, Ellis. Please, sit. The other Elders will want to speak with you. We will notify the Nurturers that you will be unable to come to work today." 

Ellis did not know what to think about this. He had not expected that he might not be at work at all today. Now he was apprehensive even more about what was going to happen. What would the Elders want to talk to him about all day? He knew he would get his answer soon enough, and he sat down there the Elder had instructed him, and waited. 

He did not have to wait for very long. A different Elder than the one he had spoken with came to collect him. As he followed her, he began to feel very small. He thought of Katya, and wondered what Katya would do. Katya would have found the importance of Roman, Ellis decided. She wouldn't have rushed to judgement about him. Ellis was in the wrong here, he knew it, and he knew he was going to be reprimanded for it. His stomach flew to his chest, or his chest flew to his stomach, as he entered the room. The whole Community of Elders was there, along with the Chief Elder. He was a gloomy-looking man, with droops in his face. He had worked in Law for a long time before being honored by being named the Chief Elder just the year before.

"I apologize for being-" Ellis began, but the Chief Elder held up his hand, silencing him. Ellis was stunned into silence. It was usually very rude to not permit someone to apologize. 

"Please tell us of your problems with Roman," one of the other Elders said, and Ellis found himself seeking out the Elder he had first confessed to. It was easier to meet her eyes, to pretend he was talking to just one of the Elders, and not all of them. 

When he had finished, they started asking him questions.

"You are an Assistant Nurturer with two others, Sara and Nash? Tell us about them," one of the Elders said. He looked mean, and Ellis was a bit frightened of him. 

He hesitated before speaking, "Nash is very personable - he likes to know a lot about people. He is the one who recommended that I mention something about Roman. Sara, she's a little more reserved, she doesn't like to involve herself in things." He hastened to add, "She's very dedicated to her job." 

"How did you feel when you were first assigned?" another asked. This Elder had been taking notes when Ellis had walked them through the previous weeks. 

"I was pleased," Ellis said, remembering his Ceremony of Twelve fondly. "I had been nervous, but I thought I might be assigned something with children. I was happy to be assigned to work with the newchildren. Happy and excited."

The Chief Elder took this moment to ask a question, "Were you proud?"

Ellis didn't know if he could admit that; he looked to the nice Elder, who nodded encouragingly at him. "Yes," he said. "I felt like I was an important member of the community." 

"Were you assigned before or after Nash and Sara?" asked the nice Elder.

"Before - I apologize, after," said Ellis. "They were Assistants, like me, Nash from a few years before, and Sara from the year before."

The nice Elder asked a follow-up, "Have they applied for spouses?"

"Nash has, and has a spouse, Sara and I have not. I only just finished training this year," he added, in case they thought he didn't want a spouse.

The questioning continued like this for a while. Upon breaking for lunch, Ellis sat in a small room by himself. He was incredibly nervous. If it was lunch, they had been asking him questions for a long time. And they hadn't even started with asking questions on Roman, yet.

"Ellis?" There was a soft knock at the door. It was the nice Elder. "We're going back in now."

"Thank you," he said, trying to sound more brave than he felt.

She smiled at him kindly, "You're doing just fine." She had been an Elder for a while, Ellis knew. At least as long as he could remember paying attention. She was sweet. The Elders probably needed just as much balance as spouses did. 

Reassured by that though and her kind words, he entered the meeting room feeling a lot better about things. Now they started asking specific questions about Roman, some of which he struggled to answer, some of which, like why he preferred Roman, were easy.

"Is it true that Roman would come in on his own, without Christopher?"

Ellis nodded, "Yes. He'd come back on his own. It was why we prefered him over Christopher. He had the aptitude to be patient with the newchildren in a way that Christopher didn't."

The Elders nodded, and Ellis watched several of them take notes. 

More questions about Christopher and Roman followed, until Ellis' voice was rough from all the talking.

"Ellis," the Chief Elder said, when there were no more questions. "Thank you for your report. You may report to work tomorrow."

Ellis was relieved to be done. He walked his bike back to his dwelling, tired from the talking all day - too tired to ride. Katya had already moved out, and soon he would as well. He would be completing training in just a few weeks, and his parents, ready to move into the residences for Childless Adults, did not push him for his Sharing at dinner.

It took three more newchildren for Roman to stop showing up at the Nurturing Center.

"Has he been reassigned?" asked Ellis, but nobody could answer his question. By the end of the day, he'd forgotten himself that he'd even asked it. He only paid during the Ceremony, when the newchildren were given their names. Number Forty-four, an impish little boy, even at a month old, had been given the name Roman. 

He briefly wished he knew someone in Law and Justice he could ask. 

* * *

One of the rules of society was that the moment that was was filling in, they were to go see the Doctor. The Clinic was located a bit out of the ways, behind some of the office buildings. Despite all the vitamins that they were given in their fortified diet, and the Relief-of-Pain medicine that they could request, people sometimes fell ill. 

Ellis had been to the Clinic overnight once, as a child. Another child had thrown up on him, and he was shaking so badly the Doctor gave him some medicine to help with the shock. He was fine in the morning, but had missed his comfort object, his frog. He hadn't missed his parents, there hadn't been a need to; they had been informed he was ill and would be spending the night, and could be picked up at the Childcare Center in the morning. 

There had been many times in the intervening years that he'd been to the Clinic; every year after Twelve, he was to present himself for the extraction; he was drugged and they would come with a needle and remove milky stuff from below his belly-button. They were told it was to keep the population healthy, and Ellis didn't think much of it. He only had to go until he had a spouse of his own, and then he wouldn't be required to have extraction any more. The whole process took only an hour or so.

Other than that, he'd been sick less times than he could count on one hand. The nice thing about falling ill as a child meant you got to miss school and your classmates got to hear a fun story when you came back, but as an adult, getting sick was a different matter. First, you couldn't go to work, in case you were infectious. Second, if one had a dwelling, they had to be careful to take precautions not to infect your spouse or children. Third, like Ellis, someone worked and resided with a vulnerable population, you were quarantined at the Clinic until they were certain the medication had taken hold.

Nobody got sick often; if one did, it was usually a sign of something very wrong. Anyone who was too sick for society was Released. One would present at the Clinic with symptoms, a Doctor would verify them, and then give the sick person an injection and send them on their way. Unless one was quarantined. 

He was startled at work early by Kenichi that morning.

"Magdalene's sick," Kenichi said. "So we're on protocol." 

Protocol, Ellis had read in his book, was when they essentially locked the Center down, to prevent illness from spreading. The Doctor would come check them out before clearing them to be in the Center; anyone who failed even one component of the exam would be taken to the Clinic for quarantine as well. He paced as he waited for his turn to go into the meeting room, never one to be patient with this sort of thing. Newchildren? All the patience in the world. Waiting? Ellis would rather have his teeth pulled. They would all meet separately, in case one of them was sick. 

Finally, it was his turn, and the Assistant, wearing a mask and gloves, came to collect him. He didn't recognize the Doctor in the room.

"Oh, not Yoshiko," Ellis said, looking sad. He'd been hoping to see his former friend. They hadn't spoken since the year after the Ceremony of Twelve, being pulled apart in different directions.

"Ah, you know Yoshiko!" said the Doctor, a kind looking man. "She's still in training, I'm sure you can imagine." 

Of course. The training for Doctor would take a lot longer than his own training would - by many years. He laughed at his own mistake. 

"I'm still in training! I hope she would be!"

The Doctor was a jovial man, and Ellis could tell he was grinning through his mask. 

He took Ellis' temperature and blood pressure, and then swabbed the inside of his cheek with a swab. The light on the end of the swab turned green. 

"You're clear," the Doctor said, sounding pleased. "Go right on into the Center to your assigned room; you know the protocol to follow?"

Ellis nodded to show that he understood. They would be assigned to each of their rooms, just in case. That way, if someone was sick, only 10 possible babies would get sick. Since the infants were so small, and hadn't received proper nutrients, any sick newchild was Released immediately. This was done to protect everyone. 

The room that Ellis was assigned was Kenichi's room, with newchildren One to Ten. His room was always full; Paloma and the others had to wait to get full as the year progressed. 

Kenichi grinned as he walked in. "Ready for a long day? We're not to leave the room until the end of the day, except for bathroom breaks. We'll take our meal in here today as well."

The idea of that was a bit daunting; while Ellis liked Kenichi, he didn't know what to do with only speaking to one person the entire day. 

"I've brought the paperwork in," Kenichi continued. "So I'll take primary on the newchildren, and yo can practice on writing letters to the new parents."

"But the Ceremony isn't for ages!" Ellis protested. It was his least favorite part of the job, the paperwork. He could do just fine describing personality for the livelier newchildren, but he struggled with the boring ones. And this group of ten had a few duds in it. 

Kenichi only smiled knowingly, and Ellis sighed heavily. It was probably a terrible thing to admit some of the newchildren were boring, but they were. Like Number Two, who slept during the day, wouldn't giggle, and seemed bored by bounce on the knee, and and other game that Ellis had tried. 

"What would _you_ say about Two?" Ellis tried to ask, but Kenichi shook his head. 

"Only after you're done. I'll look them over and offer my guidance."

That was the way that Kenichi did things, prefering for Ellis to make his own mistakes as he went, instead of hovering over him. Paloma was a hovering sort, and could constantly be overheard telling Nash "No, not like that; no, don't do that; no, do it like this." Nash didn't seem to mind, so it was a good match of Assistant to Nurturer. Sometimes Ellis wished he could have more guidance, like right now. He wasn't creative enough for Two. Anything that he put would feel wrong. 

"Studious?" Ellis guessed, hoping to at least guage Kenichi's reaction. Kenichi laughed and tickled Two in his crib.

"I don't know what you're studying, little guy, but Ellis seems to think you are."

Ellis frowned. Kenichi hadn't come out and said that was the wrong language, but the implication was there. 

"Studying the world," Ellis tried to clarify. Now Kenichi took some notice. 

"Observing," Kenichi said slowly. "Might, if I were you, be a better place to start."

Observing, Ellis wrote on the form under Personality. He tried his hand at a sentence: Two is a quiet observer, preferring to watch as tasks are completed instead of engaging in play.

Kenichi took a break from the children to see. "No," he said. "You can't tell a parent not to play with their child. You're on the right track, but try it again."

"But he _doesn't_ play," Ellis protested. "I can't _lie_ to them."

"You're going to have to come up with something," Kenichi said, in a sing-song voice, as he'd just picked up Four. Four was easy. Ellis could have written pages about Four. 

He sighed and stared at the page again. What could he do with observing and quiet that was play related? Play was light, and fun. That was the very point of it, to do light and fun things that still taught the newchildren vital communication and development skills. 

Quiet babies weren't lacking, or not thriving, so he tried to come up with something that made it sound like the family unit had a super special baby on their hands: Two is a an observing baby who takes time to make his decisions; quiet games that will help hone his skills are good to engage in, such as pattern clapping.

Two would pattern clap, he did like to do that. He didn't really laugh when he did it, but he would do it. Two just didn't find the world very funny. 

After some patty-cake with One, Kenichi took a look at the second attempt, "Now that's a lot better. Get it to half the page and I'll look it over again." 

Ellis was wishing bad things upon Magdalene right now, even if this was a part of his job, and a skill he had to learn. 

* * *

Now that he was considered trained - even if he was still an Assistant, he no longer had to attend school. He was in the residence with the other Nurturers who hadn't applied for Spouses. There was a difference if one had a spouse, as spouses lived together in the Hall for Childless Adults. Those younger though, lived in their own residences, in the back corridor of the Nurturing Center. 

Each person had their own room, though they were small, only enough to contain a desk and a bed. Ellis didn't mind. He didn't need much space; he was only sleeping there. He was in the room across the hall from Sara, which was a small comfort to him. David was next to him, and if either left their door open for some cool air, Ellis could hear David's loud snores. He was surprised that the behavior had never been corrected, but it would have been rude to ask David about it. Nash, with his spouse, had his own dwelling.

There was a communal bathroom, and each person was assigned a shower time in the mornings. Those who had been there the longest had the prime times; during Ellis' first year, he was scrambling to shower and get down the hall to the Center on time, lest he be reprimanded. It wasn't as bad as it could be; he could have the earliest possible time, and barely have time to eat his Morning meal. There was no Sharing of Dreams, or Sharing of Feelings, for which Ellis was grateful. That was for spouses and children (though he also knew it was a way of keeping each other in check.)

Pills were lined up in bottles with each person's name on them in the cafeteria. Some liked to take their pill during breakfast, some during evening meal. Every one took the pills, and when their bottles were empty, they stuck them in the buckets to be collected; the next meal period, the filled bottles would be delivered. It was an efficient system, and it meant no one had to go without, or worry about what to do when they ran out of pills. 

Meals were a quiet affair, as there weren't too many of them in the Center. Often they were tired from the day, and since the only thing to talk about was the day, they were largely silent. If something had happened in the community, or a new volunteer had come in, they would talk about that. 

Currently, they were discussing the fact that one of the Birthmothers' test results indicated that she was going to be having identical twins. 

"Who's next on the list?" Sara asked. "Ellis?"

Ellis shook his head, "I think Paloma is next, with Nash. I'm attending the birth, though."

"You're the best at it though," pipped up one of the other Nurturers. "Even if you are a bit off-the-book about it. Kenichi likes to talk about it."

Ellis didn't know what to say; he was unusual when he was assigned Releases. He would talk to the newchild, play with it, sing to it, before Releasing it. He certainly didn't have to do it, and he wasn't sure why he did it, but it made everything easier to deal with, knowing that the newchild wasn't sitting there howling, distracting him from the task at hand. 

He said nothing, and quickly finished his meal. A silence hung over the cafeteria. Ellis wondered if everyone was waiting for the Nurturer to apologize to him for being rude; Ellis didn't stay to find out. 

The next morning, he made his way to the Birthing Center, waiting for the twin that wouldn't be Released. Kenichi had sent him on his own, a sign that he was trusted by the man. 

He waited, tapping his foot impatiently, as the blindfolded Birthmother pushed out the first twin. Paloma and Nash took the first twin to go weigh. It was quickly obvious that something had gone wrong. Eventually Ellis heard the cry of the second twin. 

One of the Birth Assistants handed him the second child, hissing "just Release it". Ellis looked for Paloma, but she was nowhere to be found. Perhaps she just assumed the second twin hadn't made it. That happened sometimes. 

Protocol dictated weight though, so Ellis headed to the small room to perform the task for Paloma and Nash. Ellis didn't look at the crying newchild until he was about to place it on the scale. It was a girl, but she looked just like the boy - practically identical. They couldn't be identical, they were different sexes and everything. 

No wonder the Birthing Assistant had been so freaked out; he was freaked out. He didn't know what proper protocol to follow, so he decided that proper protocol applied here. He weighed the second baby, who weighed in four ounces more than her twin had according to the log. He walked out with the newchild, looking for the lower-weighted twin. Paloma should have had him, to see what the weights were. He had already been whisked away, the other Nurturers having made the decision. 

For the first time in his life, Ellis didn't know what to do. The newchild cried, and Ellis automatically soothed her until she quieted into a low whimper. There was no proper protocol for this, and Ellis didn't want to do the Release on a newchild that didn't need it. He walked with her down the hall, back to the Nurturing Center. 

No one said anything as he wrapped her up in her blanket, being careful not to make her cry. Once that was done, he placed her in a tiny crib, next to her twin. That was the only part of it that felt wrong. One of them needed to be Released; twins would be a disaster for the Community. These were a boy and a girl twin, though. He wouldn't leave her alone, though. He knew some of his colleagues felt the same way the Birth Attendant had - the second child was the aberration and needed to be Released. 

He didn't have to wait long for the Elder to show up. 

"It shouldn't be possible," one of them murmured as he came into the room, not noticing Ellis. "We control the egg implantation; identical twins can't be helped, but I've never seen this before."

Ellis had no idea what they were talking about. The second Elder was agreeing, "Yes, this was a monozygotic. That's not possible with the different sexes."

"The male weighed less," Ellis said, catching the Elders off-guard. He felt compelled to speak up, what they were saying, all these words he didn't know or understand, were scaring him.

The second Elder studied him for a moment, then nodded, "Protocol dictates-" but the first Elder was shaking his head. 

"We should evaluate them both, longer. This is an opportunity to study- I mean Elsewhere deprives us of-" The first Elder really wanted to make his point, and looked excited. He looked like Ellis did when a newchild was coming in. He clearly valued and loved his work.

The second looked like Kenichi did when the rules had to be followed. "We should ask the Receiver of Memory if this has ever happened and what should be done about it." 

This the first Elder could agree with, and he nodded. He turned to Ellis, "Neither newchild will be Released until we speak with the Receiver of Memory and the Elders consult."

The Elders, when faced with consultations and decisions, were known to take forever to make up their minds. All Ellis could do was hope that both newchildren thrived and the decision was made to keep them both in the Community. The words egg and monozygotic were tumbling in his head. He knew what an egg was - the Fish Hatchery was full of eggs. But he did not know how a newchild came from an egg. But the other word, the one he didn't have a frame of reference for, that was one that puzzled him more. 

He attempted, when he got home that night, to look it up in the dictionary, but the word wasn't there. How could a word simply not exist? 

Seeing the two newchildren every day didn't help the matter disappear completely from his head, but there were more newchildren than those two, and Ellis did his best to distract himself with them. The female was doing fine; the Birthing Attendant must have thought she couldn't thrive, but she was thriving. The male was also doing fine. It was strange though, how one couldn't tell them apart unless they were unwrapped to do a changing. 

This was ultimately what led to the decision; one of the newchildren had to be Released. It had been, by Community standards, a very quick decision, taking only two days. The Nurturers sat in their meeting, discussing which of the two would be Released. The male had been born first, but the facts remained that the female had weighed more at birth and weighed more now. In an unusual step, the Elders had told them it was possible for the Committee to vote, if enough Nurturers felt strongly about it. 

"Protocol," Ellis said to the group. "Dictates that we release the lower-weight twin. That's always been the male."

"They were supposed to be identical," said Nash. "Why wasn't the second twin male?"

"Something went wrong," Sara added. "It would be unkind to keep the female around. What if there are problems later?"

More Nurturers and Assistants spoke up - with most of them taking the idea that the female should be Released, as she had been born second, and something had clearly gone wrong with the birth.

Kenichi had been watching them, silent, and it was now he finally spoke up, "Are we perhaps affecting our opinions based on what happened that day instead of the facts at hand?"

Ellis thought about it. He was the one who had taken charge of the second twin. "No," he said. "I'm not affected by anything other than protocol. There's no reason not to follow it. What if the female had come first? Would something have gone wrong with the male?"

Sara frowned in a way that Ellis had come to recognise as her thinking face. "He had a lower birthweight from the very beginning. He hasn't thrived as well as she has."

With one agreeing, whatever had been holding the others back had been lifted. In minutes, the table had completely changed their mind. 

"It's unanimous then?" Paloma asked, and nobody disagreed.

So it was the Male that would be Released, and the female who would be Number Eleven. How strange, for two days neither newchild had a number, but both had the potential to be Number Eleven. 

Nobody questioned Ellis' volunteering to do the Release, though he hadn't been next on the list. He had an Assistant with him, who prepped the syringe while Ellis looked for a vein. The male's eyes stayed open the entire time, eyes wide and round, as if he knew what was coming. Ellis knew the newchild couldn't possibly know, but he soothed the male nevertheless, rubbing his tummy gently as the assistant pushed the syringe in. He didn't cry; quietly his big round eyes got smaller and smaller as he twitched, until he lay still. This time, Ellis didn't wave goodbye. 

By the time the Ceremony came, and the Number Eleven - Ella - was assigned to her parents, Ellis had only the smallest memory of the male twin. By the next week, when a new Number One was waiting for them, Ellis had forgotten the incident entirely. 

* * *

The Committee, made up of a rotating select few Nurturers and Assistants, would meet regularly to discuss the children in that section and what was to be done with them. This year, Kenichi was on the Committee, which meant that Ellis would be on the Committee as well, as he was Kenichi's assistant. 

"Oh, lucky," Nash said enviously, once the new Committee was selected. Nash had been on the Committee the previous year. "You'll wish it could be permanent. It's a load of fun." 

Ellis was unsure of the idea of fun on the Committee - they had such things to discuss that were terrible things - failing newchildren! How could it be fun? 

"It really is fun," Nash said, seeing the skeptical look on Ellis' face. "You don't just talk about the extra care section, you discuss them all, and their charts."

Charts. Ellis had never learned to like charting, which went hand in hand with the letters for each new parent. Kenichi may have instilled in him the vitality of it, but none of the excitement. If he could play peek-a-boo, or bounce-on-the-knee, or even change diaper cloths all day, he would be much happier. 

Nash teased Ellis a bit further, seeing how Ellis' frown had fully furrowed, "You don't have to _write_ the charts, Ellis, just talk about them." 

That was better. He could talk about newchildren. That didn't sound too bad at all. 

The first meeting of the Committee was a rather bland one, as it was so soon after the Ceremony, and there weren't any newchildren yet. In each of their folders was a chart though, detailing exactly when each newchild was scheduled to be born, and if there were any twins recorded. If the sex of the child was known, that was indicated as well. 

"So," Svetlana was saying, "You can see that in a few weeks we're going to have a busy week. Magdalene, you're next on the Release list, but there are no twins scheduled, so hopefully we can make it a whole year without a Release."

"Too bad we can't have a countdown," Oleg said, laughing. "We tried to have one once, when I was just an Assistant," he further explained to the group. "It just listed he number of days since we'd had a Release. The Head at the time made us take it down, and we haven't had once since." 

Ellis frowned. "I think that would be too much pressure," he said. "What if something was wrong with a newchild, but you wanted to see the number go higher?"

Nobody said anything for a moment, and Ellis worried that he was out of place. Oleg tapped his nose and nodded at Ellis, "Got it on the first try, you're one to watch, aren't you?"

Ellis was pleased with the compliment. 

He couldn't boast about it to Sara and the others at the evening meal, so he simply remarked that he'd had a nice day. He could have shared with a spouse, but since he did not have one, he liked to pretend that he could talk to Katya still at the kitchen table, and get her read of the situation. This time, she would not tell him he was being too proud. This time, he had been singled out - this wasn't excessive pride in his work. 

The rest of the Committee meetings passed in much the same way, especially as more and more newchildren were added in. Nash had been right; the meetings were fun, and it was enjoyable to go over all the charts of the newchildren without having to worry about the best - and most positive - way to put them in a letter. 

"Sixteen is a reacher. Be careful of your buttons, as he will grab them and yank them off. Using the wand as a deterrent is difficult, as I do not want to discourage him from exploring the world," Svetlana read from one of the charts. "Do we have any suggestions for Sixteen?"

Ellis didn't have any, but he was eager to learn. No wonder Nash had been promoted to Nurturer, he could gain a lot of skill and experience sitting on the Committee. 

"They should try putting him the play area with a lot of things to reach and encouraging that sort of reaching," someone suggested. "And still use the wand to discourage reaching when he's being fed or held. Then Sixteen can learn the proper setting in which to explore, and the proper setting to keep his hands to himself."

"How is he with the other newchildren?" Kenichi asked. "Is he very handsy with them? The notes don't say. Whatever we recommend, we ought to recommend that more detail about how he reaches goes into the charts."

Ellis was suddenly very glad that he put as much detail as he could into the charts. Thank goodness for Kenichi's lessons.

At another meeting, they discussed the babblers, the children who consistently talked. It was always a delicate balance with the newchildren, over when to use the discipline wand. Too much use could negatively affect the child, while not enough could result in problems down the road. The Committee's job was the find the balance and make proper recommendations. 

The year went by quickly, and before Ellis knew it, it was the last meeting before the Ceremony. This meeting was special, it featured a Nurturer appeal; when a nurturer had a specific case to make for a newchild either not going to the Ceremony, or not being Released, it was usually done in front of the Committee. Ellis' situation with the differently-sexed identical twins had been a very special circumstance.

This appeal was not like that at all. A newchild, a male born earlier than expected, was in the extra care section, and was not doing too well at all. The worst part of Ellis' job was the extra care section. These were infants that, as the section indicated, required a bit more care before they were given to families to take home. The vast majority of them were fussy sleepers, who needed some extra help before they could sleep easily. Some of them had trouble with food and getting their birthweight up. 

Sara and her Nurturer were assigned to Forty-Eight, even though he was not from their room, but they were struggling to handle the infant, who wasn't gaining weight fast enough. 

Sara was at the meeting, sitting at the end of the horseshoe, staring down the rest of the committee. Her Nurturer was with the newchild while Sara spoke to the committee. Ellis felt pity for her; she looked worried, and he knew that he would be shaking if it were him. 

"I came to appeal for more time," Sara said quietly. "I believe that Forty-Eight can thrive, if he is given another year in the Center in which to do so. The Doctors said that it's his lungs that need more time to get stronger, and that once they do, his birthweight will start to climb."

She gained confidence as she spoke; Ellis knew she didn't want to fail the newchild, and he appreciated it. 

"We have the notes from the Doctor," Oleg said, looking over his papers. "But it also says the Doctor isn't sure that his lungs will get stronger, or if they are damaged from the unexpected birth." 

Sara nodded, "I know the Doctor does not know, that none of us know, if Forty-Eight will get better. But that is why I appeal for time. If we Release him now, we will never know. The Ceremony is in a few weeks; grant the dispensation, and permit Forty-Eight more time. If he is still not thriving, the new Committee can advise Release." 

She looked almost near tears, and Ellis was prompted to speak up. "I don't know that more time is going to hurt anything," he said, and Sara looked relieved, though she was trying to keep her face calm. Ellis liked that about Sara, she tried to keep her personal feelings in check, though in a job like this, when one cared about the newchildren, it was hard. 

Svetlana nodded, "I agree. More time cannot hurt anything. Does anyone else disagree?"

Oleg spoke up, "Are we certain we just do not want a year with no Release?" When nobody made a move to say anything, either because he was right, or, like Ellis, they were shocked at the accusation, he shrugged his shoulders. "If it is what the majority of us want, I will agree." 

"He doesn't have other problems," Lila said. She was flicking through the paperwork at a rapid pace. "He sleeps through the night, he can smile, he can reach for things … it's just his lungs that are needing some more development. I agree with Ellis and Svetlana, I do not know what we lose - except potential - by giving the newchild some more time."

In the end, they didn't even vote on it officially, as it was evident that the majority of the Committee was going to give Sara more time. At evening meal that night, she looked as though she wanted to hug Ellis. 

"Thank you," was all she said. "I know he'll thrive with more time. Thank you for being the first to say it." 

"You are welcome," Ellis said, genuinely meaning it. "If I had been you, I know you would have made the same choice." 

"I went to Svetlana after and volunteered to stay behind from the Ceremony, so I could keep an eye on him," Sara added, looking a bit sheepish. "I don't trust the night and backup nurturers with him."

Ellis had to laugh at that, "I wouldn't either." He dropped his voice to a whisper, "They might drop him."

It was no secret that the night nurturers were looked down upon by the rest of the staff; one did not get assigned to be a night nurturer. No, at the Ceremony, one was assigned to be an Assistant, and was further assigned to the night crew once their training was complete. Only those who really failed at the rigorous demands of being a Nurturer were assigned to the night crew. The extra care section was often guarded against them.

He would have offered to stay and help her, but all hands would be needed for the Ceremony. All that would happen was that there would be no number Forty-Eight that year. No family unit had been told they would be assigned a child, only to not have one; a family would simply not get a notification, and would be notified the following year. They might even get to take Forty-Eight home if he thrived. If he did not …

Ellis did not want to think about if he did not. Sara would feel terrible for weeks after; they all did when a newchild failed to thrive. Instead, he would be like Sara, and believe the child was going to get better, and be assigned the following year. 

In the weeks after the Ceremony, long after the new Committee had been rotated in, Sara was proved correct, and Forty-Eight was moved out of the extra care section. It would have been cruel to leave him in room 5 by himself for so long, so they rotated him out of cribs, as more and more newchildren were born. He was lively and bright, and by the middle of the year, you could hardly tell that he had been needing of the extra care at all. 

He was a wonderful success story, something the whole Nurturing team could take pride in.


	2. Assignment of Spouses

The first child that Ellis that he yearned to have taken home was Number Thirty Six, a little girl with light eyes and soft ringlets of pale hair. They had signed the forms saying they wouldn't get attached though, and since he didn't have a spouse, he couldn't apply for a child anyway. She was a quiet child - thriving, but quiet. 

When the time came for the ceremony, he carefully held her. He wished he could take her home, but she'd be going home with a different family. It was for the best. It really meant he should be applying for a spouse, so he could take a child home for himself. 

He'd waited more than a few years before considering to apply for a spouse. Some, eager to fully grow up, applied early, but not Ellis. He wanted to make sure he could be the best at his job. It had been a while since Katya had been Assigned, and after that, he'd lost count of how many Ceremonies there had been.

Now he knew it was time. He got to hold the Thirty Six, named Rosemary now, up on the stage as the parents were announced. He had to admit, he didn't pay much attention to what was going on, but when her parents were announced, a gasp made it's way through the crowd. 

Ellis stood there with the infant, curious, and a bit bewildered. When the parents came up, he stumbled a bit.

"Receiver of Memory, sir," he said quietly. He started to shake. The Receiver of Memory was the most important person in the community. Ellis hadn't remembered when he had been assigned to be the Receiver. He looked very old for requesting a child, but Ellis knew he couldn't be that old. Thirty Six- Rosemary, started to fuss, and Ellis struggled to calm her down. 

The aging Receiver smiled and gently touched his arm. Touching wasn't permitted, but the gesture filled him with relief; it may not have been permitted (and indeed, only Ellis, the Chief Elder, and the Receiver and his spouse could see the act), but it made him feel less nervous. He soothed the infant for one last time before gently placing her in the arms of the Receiver's spouse. 

"Your daughter, Rosemary." 

He took a step back, then doubled back to where the assistants were waiting with the remaining child. "Come here 50," he said to a two-month old boy. The boy was alert, but quiet, and did not cry when he was transitioned to his parents.

The rest of the Ceremony flashed in a hurry. The day after, a determined Ellis collected the application form for a spouse. He had it with him when he arrived at the Nurturing center. 

When he applied, he hadn't expected the questionnaire to be so long. 

Leave it to Nash to look into what he was doing while they did paperwork. Ellis had the form with him at all times - he didn't want the embarrassment of going back and saying he needed a new form. This allowed plenty of opportunity for Nash or Sara to notice. Sara, never one to start antics, had left it alone if she'd seen it. Nash, on the other hand, had picked it up, and was gleefully waving it about. 

"Finally biting the bullet, huh?" He handed the form back to Ellis. "I didn't look at anything." 

Ellis laughed, "I was inspired at the Ceremony, the next Birthmother isn't due for a few weeks, I figure I'd give myself something to do. Don't worr,y I haven't even started filling it out. Have to get through the 'what is your name' field first."

"With an attitude like that, they'll never match you," Nash cautioned. 

Ellis looked perturbed for a moment, then cautiously said, "Oh, I know. I plan to take it seriously. It's a lot of paperwork, a lot of questions." He frowned, "A lot of stuff about when I would use a discipline wand on my child, that sort of thing."

"I remember filling my out," Nash said. "Took me a long time. You're right, doing it now when there aren't any newchildren is a good idea."

Ellis nodded. He would be taking the form to work, from work, and back to the residence for the next week, making sure he had the answers exactly right. There were too many to list. 

"It's almost longer than my assignment folder," Ellis said, to which Nash laughed.

"It probably is. They take it very seriously."

"It's good to know they don't pick spouses at random," Ellis further added. "I would hate to be mismatched."

Nash shook his head, "When was the last time you heard of an annulment? It's like the bicycle repair shop. Just stories we told ourselves as children."

Now Ellis laughed. "They moved it behind the Annex, this time around, if you were looking for it." 

"I swear, they keep moving it just to keep us from requesting silly repairs."

Ellis flipped through his packet. "Sadly, there are no questions about bicycles on here. Which is a shame. I'd have some choice things to say."

The speaker next to them buzzed with Kenichi's voice, "Nurturers are reminded to keep their conversations limited to work."

Busted, he and Nash exchanged smiles before Ellis put the form away. He'd look at it again when he was back at the residence. 

* * *

The form seemed to grow even longer each time he looked at it. There were questions about what sort of person he was, what sort of person he didn't want to be matched with, how he planned to raise his children, even whether he preferred a boy or a girl first. It was a questionnaire about every detail of his life. 

Just before the One was to be born, he dropped it off in the Hall of Closed Records, where one dropped off requests such as this. These records weren't open, it made no sense for spousal applications to be open. The Assistant at the Hall took his form, and looked it over.

"Good, you filled out all the questions," she said. "Most people miss something. I'll get this filed, Ellis, and you'll hear from the Committee before the Ceremony you are to be matched at."

That was as simple as it was. He had applied, and now all he could do was wait. 

Putting the idea of a spouse out of his head was hard. He kept picturing the girls from his year - all the ones who hadn't been assigned Birthmother, that was - though he knew that it was unlikely that he would get matched to someone from his own year. With training schedules what they were, it was hard to make sure that each age group were matched within themselves. It was impractical too, as someone compatible for him didn't have to be from his age group. Once the Ceremony of Twelve happened, age groups no longer mattered. Colleagues did, and eventually, spouses. 

The year passed far too quickly for Ellis' liking, and he was disappointed at the Ceremony when he wasn't matched. The year after that passed without a match as well, and on the third year, he was starting to despair. He was elated when an Elder came to him two days before the Ceremony and told him that he was to be matched, and he should not assist with the placing of the newchildren, but instead wait with the other adults who would be matched. 

"Lucky!" Nash exclaimed when Ellis broke the news to his colleagues. 

"I had to wait five years," Nash continued. "Longest five years of my life. You get matched up in three? Lucky."

Sara looked pleased, "I am happy for you, Ellis. Congratulations. This means I should apply. I can't be the only one in the residences."

"You can show the Assistants around," Ellis said. "I'm sure they would appreciate it." 

Sara made a face, "No, I want my dwelling if you're getting one."

A dwelling. He and his spouse would be getting a dwelling. It was exciting, and a bit daunting as well. 

Kenichi had been nothing but kind to him at the center the morning of the Ceremony, even as he nervously prepared the babies. 

"You'll be fine," Kenichi said. "The Elders will pair you well. Soon you'll be taking a little one of your own home." 

Ellis swallowed hard and Kenichi smiled, "Why don't I let you go an hour early today? Go to the Residence and clean up nicely for your new spouse; you're all packed, I take it?" 

Ellis nodded. He'd been packed for three days, carefully. During the Ceremony, Night Laborers would come and move his belongings to his new Dwelling that he would share with his spouse. He didn't have many - nobody in the community had personal belongings once they sacrificed their comfort objects at Eight; these were his papers, and his two extra sets of clothing. Nothing that couldn't be replaced. 

So strange was the idea of a personalized object to Ellis that the thought of one possibly existing hadn't crossed his mind. 

He was grateful for the extra time to get ready. He was glad, too, that he was not the sort to get sweaty palms like some did; Ellis heard rumours of spouses shaking hands for the first time, only to be met with a damp palm. What if his spouse had a damp palm? 

Before he knew it, it was Ceremony time, and he made his way to the Auditorium, sitting in the special section for new spouses, instead of in the section with his peers. He looked around at the faces, some, he recognized. There was Yoshiko, a doctor from his year. He wondered if he might get matched with her. Probably not, they were both nurturing types.

"Spouses are an integral part of our society," the Chief Elder was saying. He might have been Chief Elder, but he had a dull voice and Ellis struggled to pay attention. "They raise our young ones, and careful attention is paid to how spouses are matched. It would not serve the community well to have two school instructors as spouses, or two Engineers. We have selected matches carefully; a balance is necessary for the proper upbringing of our children.

"Men and women before me, you have asked to be matched in the hopes of taking on an enormous responsibility, one that cannot be borne alone. Your spouse will be your partner in the raising of your children. Where one is strict, another more lenient; where one is firm, another laughing. Qualities of each spouse are balanced, so as to bring about the best in each other. Future spouses, we thank you for your responsibility."

Now was the time. Ellis could hardly sit still as he listened to those getting assigned. It wasn't alphabetical, and birth orders were no longer important. They were assigned in the order the Elders had selected them as matches. 

Finally, he heard his name. "Ellis and Maire," the Chief Elder said, to applause. Ellis' legs could barely work as he made his way to the stage, to a beaming Maire. He took a deep breath, then another, as the Chief Elder introduced them to the community. 

"Ellis is a Nurturer, tending to our newchildren before they are assigned; Maire is a Lawyer, upholding the laws of our society. Together, with nurturing and dedication, they will raise two children. Congratulations, Ellis and Maire."

There was more applause, and now he could shake her hand. Her hand was warm, but not damp, and her handshake more gentle than he would have expected from a lawyer. He didn't know Maire, she hadn't been his year, and he couldn't tell if she was older or younger than him. In the end, it didn't matter. She was his spouse, he was her spouse, and unless something went wrong, they were together. 

The rest of the Ceremony went by in a flash. Ellis paid attention to the babies that were Sorted, as well as his Thirty-Six (now in Year Five), but the rest of the Ceremony, he was sneaking looks at Maire. 

Several times they would catch each other looking; Ellis always looked away and pretended it hadn't happened. For some of the new spouses, they were already laughing and whispering to each other. Did he need to whisper anything to Maire? What would he even say? Too late he realized he could have talked about the newchildren, but they were gone, and the first day of Ceremonies almost over. 

When they were dismissed, he turned to speak to Maire for the first time. 

"We're Dwelling 12," he said, for lack of anything else to say. 

"I saw," she said, smiling lightly. "I had hoped for a moment to read the packet before getting back to the dwelling, I guess we'll have to read it together."

Ellis' first reaction was that she thought this was a bad thing, reading along with him. Of course, he thought, she reads all day as a lawyer, and I nurture. She must think her skill set so high above mine. 

He kept quiet as they walked to their dwelling, with other new couples. Some of them were chatting animatedly, while some looked like they'd rather be anywhere else. He figured he and Maire were somewhere in the middle. He didn't want an annulment. Not after a first meeting. He'd wait first, and maybe ask the other Nurturers for advice. 

"It looks so much smaller than the dwelling I grew up in," Maire punctured the silence. 

Ellis looked it over. He'd been out of his dwelling for … how many had it been since Katya's Sorting? Too many. Enough that she'd had her three newchildren and was now a Laborer, and then some. It _did_ look smaller. He shrugged and smiled, "Let's go have a look." 

The kitchen was definitely smaller. There was the kitchen, the small living area with desks for them to do work. Two small bedrooms sat down the left side of a hallway, with a larger bedroom to the right. The larger bedroom - their bedroom, had two beds on the same wall, though some small dressers separated them. At the back of the hallway was situated the bathroom. 

"I'll take the window, if you don't mind," Maire said.

"I don't mind," Ellis said, hovering in the doorway. Their belongings were in the small living room; Maire, who seemed to very much like order, took her things and quickly started to put them away. 

"So you work in Law and Justice?" Ellis asked, hoping his voice didn't sound too strangled.

"I do," Maire said simply. She stopped her work and looked at Ellis. "And you're a Nurturer." 

"Yes," Ellis said. He wished they had something else to talk about. How were they supposed to be compatible when they didn't have anything in common? He worked with newchildren, she worked with the law. 

He wondered what the Elders were thinking. 

"I usually bring papers home to look at," Maire said. "They're for my eyes only." 

Ellis felt a flush of embarrassment that he didn't have a job that required anything like that. Just a job that required keeping newchildren happy. 

"I wouldn't interfere in your work," Ellis said.

There was no way to unstrain the conversation, at least not that he could tell. He was pleased when he heard the Food Deliverers bring around Evening Meal. 

"I'll prepare the meal," he said quickly, before Maire could offer to do it. Maire offered a thanks, but he was already in the kitchen, prepping the meal.

The fish just needed to be heated in the heater, as well as the corn. There were fruit cups too, full of peaches. Ellis frowned. He hated peaches. Still, it was food, and he should be glad to have it. Maire would probably tell him stories of what happened to adults who didn't eat their peaches. 

Peaches looked like the poo of newchildren. It was disturbing, that slimey texture. 

"The meal is ready," he called quietly, to Maire, who was probably reading up on her important documents. He wondered what Katya would say to her, and smiled at the thought. Probably something about how Maire wasn't more important than he, Ellis, was. Ellis made sure newchildren thrived, after all. 

Maire walked in while he was smiling, and smiled back at him, which put him a little bit at ease.

"Thank you for preparing the meal," she said. 

"You're welcome," Ellis said. "I'll probably be back before you most nights, I can prepare it." 

Maire's answer came quickly, "I'll prepare morning meal then." 

Ellis wouldn't have expected any less. 

This first night was definitely different. Far different than he had expected to. 

I'm apprehensive, Ellis decided. Very apprehensive. What if she didn't like him and filed for an annulment of the marriage? Those were sometimes granted. She was an Assistant at Law and Justice, and Ellis was intimidated. He was apprehensive about sharing that with her.

He couldn't think about that, not when it was time for evening meal. 

Before he could look up from his plate, Maire was speaking.

"I'll go first," she said. "For the Sharing of Feelings." Ellis only nodded, and she continued. "I'm nervous. I expected a spouse more in the line of my own work. Maybe not Law and Justice, but someone on one of the committees, or something. Even working with children as an instructor. But a Nurturer? I'm nervous, because I think you'll want me to be like the people you work with, and I'm not."

Relief, sweet and warm, flooded through Ellis. He smiled, "I like the people I work with, but I don't want to go back to my own dwelling to them. The residence I was in revealed that we are all too passive towards each other. I don't expect you to be like them. The Elders matched us because they thought we would be a good match. Children need balance while they're being raised. Our son and daughter will need your guidance and discipline. Something I am a bit lacking in."

Maire looked more relaxed at Ellis' statement. "They'll need your nurturing disposition," she agreed. "They'll need your relaxed disposition. You are right. The Elders made a good match between us." 

"I am glad to have made you feel less nervous about our match." Ellis said, and Marie quickly offered her thanks. "I too, was nervous - apprehensive. I was apprehensive that you might think me below your station. I realise we are all equals in the community, but the weight that Law and Justice has can be intimidating."

"Thinking of taking care of the newchildren is intimidating," Maire said. "I had never volunteered there; it was not in my disposition." 

Ellis was reminded of the conversation now so long ago when he'd first received his assignment. He would not make a good Elder. Maire would. Maire didn't think she was more important. Maybe she would one day be Chief Elder. Ellis smiled at the thought. 

Maire smiled back and continued, "Like you, I would not want to go back to a dwelling that had just one of my other Law and Justice colleagues. In our residence, we were not passive enough, I do not think. You and I are a good balance."

"We are a good balance," Ellis echoed. 

* * *

Maire seemed to enjoy talking about her work with Ellis. She got to see a side of the Community that he never could, and he liked to learn about it. 

"Today, we heard from a Laborer caught stealing for the second time," Maire said, as they did their Sharing of Feelings in their shared room. "I'm frustrated, because I think she's going to do it a third time, and I don't know how to stop her." 

Ellis felt terrible, and quickly stacked his papers so he could focus on Maire better. "I'm sorry. Will she be Released?" 

"Yes, and I can't imagine what another Community will do with her." 

Ellis inhaled sharply. _You are permitted to lie about Release_ flooded his mind. "A new Community?" he asked nonchalantly. 

Maire nodded. "I don't know how they think a new setting will help, but if it does with the newchildren, I suppose they must be doing something right." 

This had to be Maire lying herself about Release. Was that how it was? Did everyone lie and never say what Release actually was? 

Ellis took a deep breath, "If she can't adhere to the rules here, after two attempts at corrective behavior, do you really think she's going to survive a third?" 

Now Maire looked sad, "We told her if she was caught again, it would be Release, and she didn't seem to mind the threat. Said she might like to 'start over'. Alexander tried to reason with her, tried to tell her that she would be leaving a mark on the community too. That she didn't just fail us, we failed her, as well. I don't think she disagreed. I don't know what she thinks her plan in, to hop from Community to Community until she's found one that she likes best? She was a Birthmother. She has no skills."

That was the most cutting thing Maire had ever said about Birthmothers, and Ellis kept quiet. He didn't want to tell her that his sister had been a -

It only now just hit him that it could have been his sister. 

"What was her Labor assignment?" he asked, hoping his voice didn't betray his worry. 

"Street cleaner," Maire said, and Ellis breathed a sigh of relief. Katya was in the Clothing Factory, it hadn't been her. He still felt uncomfortable with the situation, but he didn't tell Maire about that. 

"Can Birthmothers asked to get assigned a different role? Much like we could have, if we felt we needed to, when we were Twelve?" he asked. "I feel like they should be able to, if they think it's not a good fit."

"Good fit!" Maire said, laughing. "Ellis, they're Laborers, there is no such thing as a good fit. Did you know that of all the positions that Twelves appeal, the lowest amount come from Birthmothers?"

Ellis thought about that. It made sense. But Maire was distracting him from the point. "I don't know. Maybe someone is really excited about food, and was hoping for Farm, but instead got sent to Street Cleaner."

Maire was quietly considering this. "It's a shame this was already her second offence," Maire said. "Or I might have been able to ask her. Thank you, for giving me guidance."

"You are welcome," Ellis said automatically, though he wasn't sure that he'd helped at all.

* * *

Another night, Maire came home looking tired. "Are you feeling well?" he asked after their meal. She only nodded. 

"There was an annulment hearing today. A Childcare Specialist and an assistant to the Hall of Open Records."

Ellis didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't imagine going to the Elders and telling them they'd made a mistake with a spouse. But he had, once, hadn't he? Gone to the Elders, and told them they made a mistake. 

"Shouldn't the Elders hear that?"

"It's a little known rule, but you can ask for the appeal to be heard by Law and Justice before it's held by the Elders. The Assistant asked for it, no doubt because she could read the rules at work," Maire said. She stacked up the dishes and handed them to Ellis, who put them outside in the collection bin. "Though I don't think it did anyone any good. Alexander let me ask some questions, and I think I bungled it up completely."

Ellis was quick to soothe, "You are still learning. I'm sure it was a valuable experience and that is why Alexander let you ask questions. You cannot fault yourself if you asked questions the was not expecting." He laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. 

Maire covered his hand with her own, her way of thanking him. When she was ready, she continued, "I was so nervous. This was my first type of this type of hearing, and what if he keeps me off of them forever? Though they are quite rare …"

"We're supposed to learn," Ellis said, returning to his seat. "If I didn't get to be around newchildren every time I made mistakes as I learned, I wouldn't be allowed to hold a newchild right now." 

Maire smiled, "I forget how wise you are. Thank you. You're right. I should feel nervous, but not worried that Alexander will keep me from learning. I might be done with training, but I still have a lot to learn."

This was true, Ellis could understand this. Even though he'd been there for years, it seemed like there were days where he felt like he was a Twelve on his first day at the Nurturing Center. Little things would come up, and Kenichi would take the three of them aside and explain things to them. Sometimes he was the one taking Irmgard under his wing, and explaining things to her. She was the youngest Nurturer, she had taken the place of Roman, who was but a distant memory to him now. 

"What happened?" Ellis asked. "With the hearing?" 

Maire sighed, "I'm sad about the hearing. We ultimately recommended that the annulment happen. It was not a good environment to raise children in. Now neither of them will likely be parents, as annulments don't result in re-assignment. It's a terrible failure to not stay with your spouse."

* * *

Sometimes crimes so egregious occurred that the name of the one who had committed them was stricken from the records. It was a very rare occurrence, to have a name be forbidden, but it happened during the first Ceremony that Maire and Ellis could attend together. 

Ellis was excited to attend with Maire. It would be enlightening to get a Law and Justice perspective of the Ceremonies. 

He couldn't sit with her during the Naming Ceremony, as he had to assist, but she held a seat for him, and he slipped into it as the Twos were getting called up with their parents. 

"You look so happy to be there," she said, smiling. "It is very obvious that you take a lot of pride in your work." 

"Thank you," Ellis said. It was not often that those outside their careers could observe other careers, and Nurturers were one of the only few outside Laborers who could have their work on full display in front of the entire community. "I wish I could watch you enjoy your work."

"You would be very bored," Maire teased. "So much talking, not enough playing."

He had to suppress a laugh. This much was true; he didn't much like anything that didn't have enough playing. 

The Thirty-Six was the only child he was interested this year, and she became a Six quietly. Being a Six was like being an Eleven; nothing much happened, except you had to wait an entire year for the good stuff. Like a front-buttoning jacket, or your Assignment. At Six though, one was not as anxious as one was at Eleven. 

The next day, the Ceremony passed in a haze. He remembered at one point nearly falling asleep on Maire, but she kept him awake by providing a running commentary of the children. "Jacket not buttoned on Nine," she would say. "Tsk. The parents are probably mortified. Oh, look, the Sixteen of the new Elevens is really unhappy with his haircut, he keeps rubbing his fist through his hair."

Anyone who was falling asleep was jolted awake by a man standing on his chair before the Chief Elder could speak.

"This Community is a prison!" the man yelled and several in the crowd gasped. Ellis tried to figure out who the man was, but he didn't recognize him. Those sitting near him backed away, while the Elders jumped to their feet. Nobody seemed certain of what to do. 

"I appeal for calm," the Chief Elder began, but the man cut him off.

"They lock us in, they force our girls to bear children and strip them of the rest of their lives. These girls deserve to live freely in this society!"

"Sit down!" the Chief Elder yelled. 

The man paid no heed.

"Birthmothers, you are _slaves_. They chain you with luxury and then force you to Labor. You are nothing. You are only created to create more babies! This Community is a prison! You are being lied to! Birthmothers are the lowest of the low!"

His voice got louder as he seemed to realize that nobody was going to make a move on him - at least not from the crowd. 

"You bear them three children and what do you get for it? What do you they give you? They take your children away! They blindfold you! You are denied what is rightfully yours and you do it willingly! You march yourselves to the shackles and suck at the bottle of men who abuse you! You are-"

Whatever they were, the man did not get to finish. He was cut off by six Elders, all with wands that looked like discipline wands, descending on the man. The wands emitted electricity though, and the air was suddenly sharp and strange. The reaction was nearly instantaneous; people screamed and scrambled from their seats, trying to move towards the exits.

Ellis grabbed Maire's hand, not wanting to be separated from her during this time. The crowd was at a fever pitch, with several people shouting at once. 

The Speaker's voice suddenly boomed through the auditorium, "All residents will return to their seats at once. All residents will return to their seats at once."

Some obeyed instantly, but there was still come chaos. Someone was pushing past him, yanking him out of the way to grab Maire. 

"Stop!" he yelled, frightened, but Maire grabbed his hand.

"It's okay," she said quickly. "This is Alexander."

He took a step back, muttering "Apology accepted," to Alexander's hurriedly rattled off apology. In a quick flash, they had disappeared. 

"Please!" the Chief Elder called to the crowd. "Please take your seats!" 

The crowd listened to their Elder and quietly took their seats, though the noise level took a few minutes to quiet down. Ellis sat in his seat, looking worried. He tried to console himself by telling himself that Maire had been taken by Alexander because the man was going to have a trial right then and there. The crowd seemed as rattled as he was, and as he looked around, he could see several of the female Twelves-To-Be crying. 

Everyone knew someone who had been Assigned Birthmother. For Ellis, it was his sister - as well as half the girls in his year. It was how it had to be, for society to function. Now that he was an Assistant in the Center, he got to observe a little more of how neatly the system worked. They _needed_ those women to be Birthmothers, or else there wouldn't be children. Why would a man stand up and say all those things that he had said? 

And where had the ideas come from? Ellis knew that Maire didn't think highly of Birthmothers - many in society didn't, because to be a Birthmother reflected poorly on ones parents, but it was a fate that couldn't altogether be avoided. If parents weren't raising their daughters to be smart, capable women, then they would go be strong, capable women. It didn't make sense to him. 

"Please," the Chief Elder said again. "I apologize for the disturbance."

The crowd murmured their acceptance, though a feeling of unease still sat over the room. 

"That man was wrong," the Chief Elder said firmly. He seemed to be directing his comments to the Twelves-To-Be. "Those of you who have been Assigned Birthmother have a wonderful Assignment. Where would our Community be without you? Where would our parents be? Our spouses? The newchildren? Yes, it is true after your births, you labor, but where would we be without our Farm workers, providing us food every day? Where would be be if our streets were not cleaned? The laundry not done, the clothing not processed? You are the backbone of our society and we thank you."

He had to address it to the Twelves-To-Be, Ellis realized, because Birthmothers didn't attend the Ceremony. Laborers didn't either, because they were busy filling in during the Ceremony. He tried to imagine what Maire would be saying right now. She would be furious, he knew. Katya would have been elated. As for him, he was unsure of how he felt. It was how it had to be. It was how the system worked. 

The rest of the Ceremony was subdued, until the Ceremony of Twelve began; everyone was paying attention to who got assigned to what. Ellis felt terrible for the girls, who were going to have to listen to already rehearsed speeches from the Chief Elder about their lives, with the pale of the man's comments from before echoing in the back of their mind. 

Alice, a Three, and the first female Assigned, was assigned to the House of the Old. The crowd let out a collective sigh, and Ellis couldn't tell if it was from relief, or from just holding their breaths during the Chief's speech. 

The next girl, Maysa, was not so lucky. When her Assignment was given as Birthmother, the crowd applauded, but did not sigh. So it had been relief. 

As the names wore on, parents shifted uncomfortably in their seats as their daughters were assigned Birthmother. For the first year in his life, Ellis was counting. 

When they reached Song, a Forty-Two, the crowd seemed almost excited. She had been the sixteenth birthmother assigned, and there were still four girls left. The four Twelves remaining looked happy. Ellis knew some years there were 17, and that was going to be the case for this year; the Chief Elder knew it too, and looked pained as he called Lisa, the Forty-Eight, to the stage. She beamed on stage, proud of what the Chief Elder was saying about her. "Lisa, you have been Assigned Birthmother. We thank you for your child-"

"No!" Cried someone from the crowd. Everyone went dead silent. The Chief Elder ignored it and continued. "Lisa, we thank you for your childhood." 

Everyone seemed too stunned to clap; the woman who had cried no was the mother of Lisa. 

It was a forgivable outburst, Ellis thought. She would be reprimanded, but otherwise unscathed by the turn of events. 

The last two Twelves were Assigned to little applause, the crowd very much still stunned. 

Instead of dismissing the group, the Chief Elder stood on stage for a moment, as though he were pondering how to best address them. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, almost a whisper, and Ellis knew he had done it to keep the crowd as calm as he was. It was a neat trick, one he knew was used in the school - the Chief Elder might have been a former Instructor. Ellis did not know that many people would have the insight to do the same thing. 

"It is rare in our Community that we ban a name," the Chief Elder spoke. "After the events that have conspired today, the name Joshua has been banned. There is no Ceremony of Loss for a banned name."

He paused, then slumped his shoulders; he was weary, exhausted from the events of the day. "You may go now into the Community. Twelves, honor your Assignments, they have been given great care. You are all equal in the community, you are all worthy."

It was an odd way to end the Ceremony. Normally the Chief Elder would make the crowd laugh, or offer something reassuring. His words seemed to ring hollow; not many seemed to be taking them to heart. 

As Ellis rode back to his dwelling, he overheard a group of female Twelves talking. 

"We can appeal our assignment," one of them was saying. 

"After what _he_ said, I don't want to be a Birthmother," another said. "I had been hoping for this assignment."

"Will they let us appeal?" asked a third.

It was a wise question. In the Community, anyone could appeal their Assignment, if they did not feel it was right. It was what Roman should have done, all those years ago, instead of taking his anger out on the newchildren. Some appeals were met, many were not. Those who were unhappy with their Assignment respected the Elders' choice and in turn, came to respect their positions in society. 

Maire was waiting in the dwelling when he arrived. 

"Sharing of Feelings?" she asked, her voice tight. He nodded.

"I am saddened," Maire said. "I am saddened and I am angry. I had wished to share a Ceremony with my new spouse, but instead I had to assist Alexander as we had a trial." 

"I had assumed that happened," Ellis said softly. "Did the trial go badly?"

Maire nodded. "He didn't follow the rules of the courtroom," she explained. "Most people, when they are before us, are very respectful and humble, and polite. He was none of those things. He kept yelling. Ellis the things he said about our Community …"

Ellis reached a hand out to cover hers. Comfort was allowed in a situation like this. "There was nothing you could have done," he said, his voice as soothing as possible. "It sounds like he wanted to be Released." 

Maire only nodded, "He is not the first with these views to come before us, you know. There are some people unhappy with the Community, who speak out about it. Before I was Assigned to you, before I had even applied, there was a woman - an Instructor of the Elevens - who said we deserved to choose our own Assignments. She had instructed her students to all appeal their Assignments after the Ceremony. She too was immediately Released, though she was calm at her trial." 

Ellis wondered how many people were Released for questioning the rules of society. It made him glad that he did not openly questioning how things were done. 

"Another, before I got there," Maire said, her voice shaky, "was a Twelve who had been Assigned to the House of the Old. She was unhappy with the Release process, and told some of the residents what to expect for their Release."

So Maire did now what Release really was. She had been faking it, lying to him this entire time. He did not let on that he knew, he found that he couldn't. 

"Were they unhappy to be sent to the same place as the rulebreakers?" he asked. He did not add _or the newchildren_ , because that complicated the situation.

Maire shook her head, "No, instead several residents applied for Release right away, and they had to institute a new rule about when and how the Old could apply for Release."

They were silent again, until Maire added, "The Mother of the Forty-Eight was also Released."

Ellis' jaw dropped. "Not just a punishment?" he asked quietly. "They Released her for an outburst."

Maire looked sad. "They Release anyone who shows egregious disregard for the Community," she said. "We didn't have a choice. It's how the system is supposed to work." 

"Her daughter had just been assigned Birthmother after-" Ellis started, but stopped himself. He forced himself to take a deep breath. 

"You are right, of course," he said. "The rules work for a reason, and if such discord were allowed to go unchecked, the community might fall apart. Did they ban her name as well?"

Maire shook her head, "Just his." 

"What are they going to do with the Birthmothers? I imagine many will appeal," Ellis said. Those three Twelves were not the only Twelves who would be appealing their Assignment. This wasn't like not wanting to work in a Department, where one could argue that skills were better served elsewhere. What skills did a Birthmother have to offer?

Ellis shivered as he realized that was the point Joshua had been trying to make.

* * *

There were several scheduled holidays during the year, days when non-Laborers took off to do as they pleased. They were more for the children than the adults, as the the children had a whole day to do nothing but play. Even those past their Ceremony of Twelve, who were still in school and training, would join in the fun. 

The adults mostly spent their time walking along the river or staying home and catching up on work. Maire was in the latter camp, and Ellis would try every holiday to get her to come do something else. 

This year, the first holiday after their second Ceremony together, he was itching to do something. "Carlos designed a scavenger hunt!" he said excitedly. "Come on, Maire, let's have some fun! It's couples only."

She frowned at him, then shut her book shut. "Oh, all right," she conceded. "But next holiday, it's my choice."

"I can't sit and watch you work," Ellis said, though he was smiling. "You're going to have to come up with something better than that." 

"Next holiday isn't for a few months, I have some time," she teased back.

They walked quickly to where Carlos was, to get their list. 

"I've already cleared it with the Elders," Carlos, the Director of Fun, said. His assistant, who was probably going to take over soon, was named Emily, and she was leading a group of Sixes and Sevens in a fun game of Simon Says. 

He handed out paper lists, and immediately some of the couples began to giggle at the list. 

"The precise location of the bicycle repair shop," Maire read, laughing. "Did they move it _again_?"

"I know where it is," Ellis whispered conspiratorially. "But this one here, the location of the newest Engineering project? Have you heard anything about that?"

"No, but I know who we can ask." 

Of course. Andrei had been one of his closest friends, along with Yoshiko, when they were children. Yoshiko had been partnered at the same time that he was, but he hadn't seen Andrei around in a while. After the Ceremony of Twelve, they had stayed in some contact, but Andrei's schooling was far more intense than Ellis' had been. 

He looked around, not seeing Andrei about. "Might as well go find him," he said. "Let's try open records and see if he has a spouse." 

He wasn't about to go randomly searching for Andrei, after all. 

The Hall of Open Records was open all the time, regardless of holiday. 

They pushed open the doors, causing the Laborer filling in to jump from his chair. "Oh!" he said, looking wild-eyed. "I didn't think anyone would come." 

Ellis felt sorry for the man; to be a male and a Laborer was a sign of great failure among the Community. It meant his parents had been looked on in shame. Males were not Laborers. Most of them who did get Assigned to be Laborer were sent to the Farm, where the heaviest work-load was needed. 

Ellis looked this man over; his hands were rough, and Ellis could tell by his arms that he regularly lifted with them. Farm was probably the correct guess. It would have been rude to ask what his regular job was (doing so would detract from the job he was assigned to do now), so he'd have to remember to talk to Maire about it later.

"You might have more of us," Maire said, kindly. "There's a scavenger hunt going on, and people will likely want information." 

"Oh," said the man, sadly. "Okay. I was looking forward to having something of a day off. Last holiday I was in the House of the Old, and they kept me very busy. Before that, it was Fish Hatchery. I never get any of the good Assignments." 

Ellis was starting to see why this man had been a Laborer.

"We need to know about Andrei," Maire said, a hint of impatience in her voice. 

The man nodded, and ran his finger down a list of names. "Oh, here he is. Andrei. Spouse Helena. Engineer. Dwelling 196."

"Thank you," Maire said curtly. Before the man could say anything else, she turned to leave. 

"Thank you," Ellis echoed, far kinder than Maire had been. "Keep that list open, I'm certain we won't be the last in here." 

He had to stride quickly to catch up with Maire. "I can see why he's a Laborer," Ellis said. 

Maire smiled, "Yes. If he continued his prattling about his Assignments, I was going to report him. Hopefully the Elders were listening." 

Ellis tossed a quick glance back at the building to see two other couples entering. 

"We better hurry," he said. "People are on to our ways."

They made their way to Dwelling 196, clear on the other side of the dwelling area from theirs. Neither he nor Maire had reason to go down this way, so there was no running into Andrei by chance.

There were many people milling about, and a lot of children playing in and around the bike racks, taking careful heed not to knock any over.

Sitting outside Dwelling 196 was a little girl holding her comfort object, a lynx.

"Father says not to let anyone in," she said to them as they got closer. 

"I think Carlos tipped him off," Maire muttered. Ellis had to chuckle. Carlos probably had, to make the game more challenging and fun. "You're up, you can convince her to let us in." 

Ellis smiled. Of course he was up. Even if he did not work at the Center, Andrei had been a close friend of his.

"Hi there, I'm Ellis. Did you know," he started with the girl, "That your father and I were in the same age group?" 

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she said nothing. "In fact, I think if you go inside and tell him that his old friend Ellis is here, he'd be very happy to let us in. You can tell him that when he was your age, his comfort animal was a cow."

How Ellis remembered this, after years and years of handing comfort objects to new parents at the Naming Ceremony, he did not know. His had been a duck, and the cow and duck had been on many adventures when he was just a boy. 

Hearing this, the girl stood, uncertain if she should go inside. 

"You can also tell him," Ellis continued. "That I've never told anyone about the sandwich." 

"What sandwich?" both Maire and the little girl asked, to Ellis' amusement. He nodded at the door, and the girl took the hint, walking carefully inside. As the door shut, Ellis could hear a tiny, "Father? Ellis says he never told anyone about the sandwich …."

"What sandwich?" Maire repeated as they waited. 

"I can't very well tell you now," Ellis teased. "That would be cheating. I've never told anyone."

The door opened, saving him from having to satiate Maire's curiosity. Andrei stood beaming in the doorway, his daughter at his said, looking out shyly. After a quick round of introductions, Andrei got right to the point.

"I didn't think you'd come play the game," he said, sounding pleased. 

"Ah, so Carlos _did_ warn you," Ellis laughed. 

"Come on in," Andrei said. "And Hamadi will go back on watch." 

"Hamadi is a very pretty name," Maire said to the little girl, who beamed. 

The dwelling was laid out exactly like the dwelling he and Maire shared, only Andrei's desk was overflowing with papers. 

"You never could be tidy," Ellis teased. 

The other desk was neat and clean. The Laborer hadn't told them what Helena did, but it must have been something like Ellis' job - one that required little take-home paperwork. 

"Helena's with Jack, our son, playing by the river," Andrei explained. Then he explained how he had come to know how to expect someone calling in on him. "Carlos came to speak with the Engineers at mid-day yesterday, and explained the game that he had created for the adults during holiday. He asked us if we were working on projects, and our Head informed him that we had a large, collective one that we would all be working on. We were invited to participate if we wanted, but mostly warned that couples might come to us expecting an answer for our newest project. We took a vote after, and decided none of us were going to divulge the newest project. So I can't really help you." 

Ellis laughed at the story. It was amusing. There wasn't anything anyone could have thought to come to the Center with, except maybe the names of newchildren. He could sneak a peek in the Head's office, but that would break the rules, and he wasn't keen on breaking the rules.

"Not even for an old friend?" Maire asked. "Ellis has told me stories about you, about how you were the closest of friends growing up. He hasn't told me about the sandwich though now I admit, I'm curious as to what two boys could have done with a sandwich." 

"It's not what we _did_ with it," Ellis started, with no intention of finishing. He was teasing Andrei. "Maybe if Andrei tells us this project, I won't finish my story." 

"You're a mean one, Ellis," Andrei said, pretending to pout. "I see why they never put you in the Childcare Center."

"Yes, they left me the ones who can't talk back," Ellis laughed. 

"We were close friends," Andrei said. "Then we went our separate ways. I watched you get assigned to your spouse a few Ceremonies ago. I have to admit, I'm glad you got Nurturer. Could you imagine me in that role?"

Ellis pretended to think about it. "I can see you measuring out the newchild very carefully," he said, after a moment. "Making sure that you have the just right measurement."

"I would have to have you hold them down, so they didn't move while I did it," he giggled.

"What about sandwiches?" Maire asked, an impish smirk on her face. "How would you measure those?"

Andrei groaned, "Hamadi is going to be asking me that one for days. She's very inquisitive and doesn't stop until she gets an answer. She'd be perfect in the Department of Justice."

Maire didn't say anything to this, but smiled knowingly. Ellis had a feeling Maire was going to be paying attention to Hamadi for a few years, to see if what Andrei was saying bore any truth. 

"I am sorry I can't help you," Andrei said. "But if you wanted to guess that something was being built across the river, you could." 

Maire's eyes lit up, "Finally, a bridge!" Ellis was pleased as well. Many a visiting group had come, and complained that they had to take a boat to get to their community, because there was no way across the river. As a child, the other side of the river looked more fun, but he'd been reassured by his Instructors that were he standing on the other side, _this_ side would look more fun, so he hadn't thought about the matter much further. It would be nice to have more areas where people could stroll around on days like today, though. And it would likely make the visiting groups happier to cross the bridge instead of having to travel by boat to them. It was a wise choice. 

"Hush!" Andrei said quickly. "I told you nothing! Now out! Hurry! Before anyone else comes!"

Ellis and Maire laughed the entire way out the door, stopping only to say goodbye to the precocious Hamadi.

"Next on the list: how many residents are at the House of the Old currently?"

"Do we risk the Laborer again?" Ellis asked. "Do we think he can count that high? No, better go the building." 

They set off the for building, passing many couples holding sheets on their way. Everyone was having a good time; it was the perfect holiday. 

* * *

The days passed uneventfully, and another Ceremony passed without incident. It was easy to settle into a routine with Maire; they had been together for three years, but Ellis was comfortable with her, and it felt like longer. Work progressed as well. Kenichi had been promoted to Supervisor after Svetlana retired to the House of the Old and Oleg had taken over as Head of the Center. Nash, who had been there the longest, was now a full Nurturer, though he still stayed close with Sara and Ellis, who were still Assistants. 

The Center wasn't the only Department having shifts and promotions. 

"I was promoted today," Maire said at dinner, smiling with pride. 

Ellis was thrilled for her, "Congratulations! What happened?"

"The Director has been promoted to Elder, and Liam has now taken over as Director," Maire said. Then she looked unsure. "I think - I think we should apply for a child, now."

Ellis could only think of all the children that had come through the Nurturing Center. He smiled, "I think a child would be a good idea."

Maire nodded, "I'll pick up the form after work tomorrow."

At work the following day, Ellis was happier than he'd been in a while, even whistling down the hallways. 

"What are you so happy about?" Nash asked, smiling. Ellis' mood was clearly infectious. 

"Maire and I are going to apply for a child," he explained.

Instead of congratulating him, Nash walked quickly down the hallway toward Kenichi's office. "Kenichi! Kenichi! Ellis is applying for a child!"

The Supervisor came out, looking disgruntled at first, but smiling upon the sight of Ellis, who was carefully walking down the hallway. "Ellis, come in so I can speak to you," he sounded stern, but he was still smiling. "Nash, take over Ellis' duties until he returns."

Ellis sat down carefully in the chair opposite Kenichi's desk. Even when he wasn't in trouble, Kenichi's office gave him a weird feeling in his stomach. 

"You're going to be watched closely from here on out," Kenichi said. "You don't play favorites anyway, but don't start now. They might not assign you a baby right away. You remember when you first started and Paloma had applied for her second child with her spouse?"

Ellis nodded, "She only just got her son last year."

"So don't get attached to any of them." 

Ellis shook his head, "I wouldn't."

Kenichi smiled, "Out of all of you, you're the only one I don't have to worry about that as much with."

Pleased with the compliment, Ellis' mood was near euphoric when he got home to find Maire waiting with the forms. She too, looked bubbling with happiness. 

"It's a really easy form," she said, showing it to him.

>   
> **Application for Your First Newchild**
> 
> Have you and your spouse been together for at least three years?  
>  Do you promise to obey all the laws of the Community?  
>  Will you raise your children to follow the laws of the Community and encourage them to be the best citizens they can? 

That was it. Just three questions. Much easier than the spouse application.

"They must think we've got the idea of it," Ellis said, sounding bemused. All that care that he put in to the newchildren, and they went out to a family based on three quick questions? It hardly seemed - fair. It was fair, though. Once a couple had been together for three years, the Elders had observed them for enough time to know what sort of child they might be best with. 

He wondered what sort of child they would be best at. 

"Just sign here," Maire said, and Ellis complied. "That's all there is. I'll drop it off tomorrow on my way to work." 

Ellis smiled, "I'll resist the urge to bring one of the newchildren home with me ahead of time."

Marie's eyes widened at the suggestion, "You wouldn't!" she said, glancing at the speaker.

"No, I wouldn't," Ellis admitted readily. "Besides, they have little-bitty tracking bracelets on them, so nobody does wander with them."

"Would someone do that?" Maire asked. 

Ellis thought about it before answering. "I imagine someone would have," he said. "Or else they did in the past, and that's why we do it, to make sure." 

Maire shook her head, "Where would they go, Elsewhere?"

Ellis looked at her carefully. He'd been her spouse for four years, and he still didn't know if she really knew about Release. They hadn't discussed it, not past an initial discussion, and now wasn't the time to bring it up again. 

"They might. Or someone from the supply ships that come, or a visiting group, hoping to increase their population counts."

He watched as Maire gave a shiver, "I can't even imagine." 

What's what Ellis liked about Maire. She didn't imagine, or think about Release and Elsewhere, and what it really entailed. She didn't need to know, so she didn't. 

"They're safe," he said. And for good measure, he added, "And it's too late for us to get one this year. No sense stealing a newchild that belongs to someone else."


	3. Getting Jonas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some use of the discipline wand in this chapter

Time passed quickly until the Ceremony. Now Ellis was excited. He knew he and Maire wouldn't be assigned a child from this current year, but they might for this new batch. 

The first child to be born for that new, potential, year was a girl. As Ellis looked at her, he hoped this was the child that he and Maire were assigned. The second and third were twins, a girl born first, and a boy born second. He yearned for both of them, as well. 

By the time Nineteen came along, he had already picked out several he wanted. Nineteen had the same eyes as the Thirty Six from ten years ago; light, not dark. One of the Birthmothers might have had pale eyes, and might have passed them on to the newchild she produced, but Ellis knew the pale eyes were extremely rare, and the Elders did all they could to make everyone the same. This was the third newchild from this Birthmother, which meant she wasn't a Birthmother anymore. She would be reassigned, and the Nineteen, like the two before him, and the Thirty-Six before them, would go to their new families. 

The Thirty Six, Rosemary, now Ten, was quiet and polite and well-involved in the community. She was well-liked by her peer group and didn't cause trouble. Ellis would never admit that he followed the Thirty Six from the time of her birth; that would have been - well, not a crime, but he'd probably still have to go before Law and Justice. He tried to put Nineteen out of his mind, but he couldn't. 

"I like the newest newchild," he told Maire over dinner.

"It's not fair that you get to see all of them beforehand," Maire said, but she wasn't serious about it. 

Ellis smiled, "I don't get to do anything with them - I could try sneaking into Kenichi's office to see what their names are, but that won't help. The Committee decides which newchild is ours."

"Why do you like this new one?" Maire asked. 

Ellis didn't know how to answer. "He's very quiet, and observing. I like that better than the active ones. I think at the end of the day, I would like to come home to a quiet newchild."

Maire nodded, "I agree, I would not want a fussy newchild, or one that required a lot of play-time. You would want to come home and not feel like you had to be at work again. It's smart to want a quieter child."

Secretly, he hoped his speaker was on, and the Elders were listening and paid heed. Maybe not with Nineteen, but with another quiet child. 

Sure enough, come newchild Twenty-One, he was in love again. "She's already reaching for things," Ellis said a few weeks later. 

"I had been hoping for a male first," Maire said. She finished her plate and began to neatly stack it as she waited for Ellis. "The Elders will know what's right though," she quickly added. 

Ellis was quick to reassure her, "No, I am also hoping for a male first. I put that in the spousal application form, do you remember?"

Maire frowned, "No. I don't remember many of the questions. I suppose I just put it out of my mind, I had other things to focus on." 

That was how it went in the Community, events were quickly forgotten. Ellis knew if he asked anyone if they remembered the outburst from a few years ago, he would be met with more blank stares than anything else. The Community functioned best when people overlooked the aberrations that happened. So much was kept inside Law and Justice, and only accessible through the Hall of Open Records that many citizens didn't want to waste the effort going to look. 

"I am certain we will not be disappointed," Ellis said, smiling. "None of the children of this group are particularly boring."

"Ellis!" Maire admonished. She didn't like it when he called newchildren boring. Ellis had a feeling that was because she would have loved one of the boring children. It was true that Ellis wanted a quiet child, but there was a difference between quiet and boring.

"As Nurturer, I feel it's my duty to inform you, that yes, despite what we write in the letters, some children are just boring children. Just like some are ugly children." He quickly ate the last two bites of his food, swallowing without chewing.

"Ellis!" she admonished again.

He shrugged, "I am sorry if I am offending you, but you know it is true. We don't comment on it in society, but even the Chief Elder will point out a particularly pretty Twelve during the Ceremony. If there are pretty people, there are ugly ones."

"You are being unkind," Maire said. She looked hurt. Ellis wondered if anyone had called her ugly. It was too late to fix that now ( and he had never given notice one way or the other, as was the way it was supposed to be).

"I apologize for being unkind," he apologized again, this time with sincerity. 

She regarded him for a moment before speaking. "I accept your apology." Then she got up from the table, taking the dishes with her outside.

That was the last they talked about newchildren for several weeks. 

* * *

They had been informed only days before that they had been accepted for a newchild. Ellis was walking the rows of newchildren, trying to figure out which one was his. 

"You really shouldn't be pacing like that," Paloma said from the doorway. 

Ellis looked up, guilty. Paloma was a step below Kenichi, and a step above Ellis. She had a bit of authority, but she deferred to Kenichi's decisions. 

"I admit, I am excited about which babe I might take home," Ellis admitted. 

Paloma looked as though she were going to be stern and scold him, but instead she smiled, "I remember getting my daughter. I was a bit younger than you, eager for one. I must have picked out about twelve of them that I wanted. I had to be warned not to play favorites," she admitted, a twinkle in her eye. "It was so hard not to. It's already been decided who you will take home; which one do you want?"

He wanted Nineteen, the one with the pale eyes, but he didn't know if this was a test or not. He tried to play it cool. "I like Twenty-Seven."

Paloma raised her eyes, "Really? He seems a bit fussy for your tastes."

"There's only fifteen males to choose from," Ellis said, shrugging. "Both Maire and I requested a male first on our spousal applications. I wonder why they don't put that on the forms. Probably because there are so few males to females."

"I got my son when our daughter was an Eleven," Paloma said. "It was a long wait. We had put in for a son when she was a Six. Now come, I know Twenty-Seven isn't your favorite. What about Four? I know how much he likes to make your laugh." 

Ellis smiled, "I do like Four. He's a very funny boy. He's exhausting though; I'd like a child that isn't so demanding when I get off work. Nineteen is an interesting one. Very quiet."

Paloma raised an eyebrow, "Ah, there is it. Nineteen. I wouldn't have picked him for you. Maybe Sixteen, he seems a bit more for you." 

"Don't forget, I have a spouse, too," Ellis laughed. "I think I've been too unkind to her, in discussing all the newchildren as they've come. It's a relief to know what one is ours, though."

Paloma nodded, "Good luck at the Ceremony, Ellis. To you and your spouse. I know you'll be a fine parent for which ever child you wind up with." 

This was rare for Paloma - she didn't usually speak of this towards people, preferring her gruff exterior. Ellis smiled broadly back.

"Now stop pacing," she added. "Is all the paperwork finished?"

Ellis knew better than to argue - Sara and Nash had said they would help with the paperwork due to his nerves. 

"I'll go," he said, taking one last look around the room. One of them was going to be his - soon.

Nash looked surprised to see him, but Sara only smiled, "Paloma?" and left it at that. 

It was hard to do the paperwork - his group was Thirty-One to Forty ; Sara had the group before that, and lucky Nash had Forty-One to Fifty, the little infants. His write-ups were finished quickly, as there wasn't much to put in personality. 

"I'm going to be taking one of your letters home," Ellis teased them. "So you better make sure it's perfect."

"I only have the one male," Sara said, looking through her notes. "The super finicky one that grabs at everything. You sure he's the one you want?"

Ellis rolled his eyes. Of course Sara had it easy. 

"He wants them all," Nash said, and Ellis objected.

"No. No. No. Maire would file for annulment if I tried to bring them all home."

They joked back and forth some more about what Maire would put up with - Ellis drew the line at a newchild the following year as well, though some family units did that. Ellis couldn't understand that. Why would they want two at the same time, only a Year apart? He didn't know why the Elders allowed that either. It seemed silly to him. There needed to be space between them. 

Some spouses though, probably just wanted to do their duty quickly. Not everyone was excited about becoming a parent; Sara was one of them. She had waited a while to apply for a spouse, and now she was waiting to apply for children - so she said. Her spouse, named Jamar, worked as an Instructor to the Fives; with the both of them working so closely with children, they were probably good for a while. 

She wasn't eligible for a child for two years anyway, so Ellis tried to push the thought of other people's children from his head. Instead, he kept thinking of Nineteen, and the pale eyes. Rosemary would be a Ten, and Ellis was more than a little disappointed that she'd never come into the Center to volunteer. 

Whatever child he got, he couldn't pay more attention to Nineteen than his own. He had to stop watching Rosemary as well. 

But maybe I'll get Nineteen, he thought, and that would be the best of both worlds. 

* * *

It was so exciting, sitting with the other new parents. It was exciting to hand out the children to their parents, but the nerves of sitting and waiting for one's own was a different game altogether. 

Maire too, was nervous, watching the children as they were led on stage. 

"Number One, Madeline. Parents, Michelle and Gilbert." Everyone clapped politely as Madeline toddled across the stage to her parents. 

The second girl was toddling as well, impatiently. "Inger," the Chief Elder said. Parents Adam and Clea."

And so it went, until "Ellis and Maire. Newchild Nineteen, Jonas. " 

The grin he wore on his face as he walked up to Kenichi was contagious; Kenichi smiled back. "You don't even need your letter," he whispered, handing Maire the child that Ellis wanted most.

"Hi Jonas," Ellis whispered to the little boy, who watched them intently with his pale eyes. 

They stood on stage, Maire tenderly stroking Jonas' fine hair until all the newchildren had been assigned. Then the crowd clapped for them, and they took their seats to join them, as the Twos received their new clothing. 

"He's beautiful," Maire whispered, sounding in awe. "I didn't know it would be like this, holding him. Hi Jonas, little baby boy."

Ellis was fine with letting Maire hold and bond with the baby; he'd had plenty of time with Nineteen - Jonas - to allow her some time.

Time with Jonas passed quickly, as Ellis and Maire both had a reason to come home from work as soon as they were able. As the Nineteenth child, Jonas was a bit more advanced, babbling already from the moment he came home.

In the Center, they didn't teach Mother and Father, so as not to confuse the infants. It was the first thing he and Maire were teaching Jonas. The letter had recommended that as well.

"Fu-fu-fu," Jonas said, trying to sound out Father. "Fudder!" he finally came up with, beaming at his parents. 

"Fud," he said, followed by, "Mo." 

Ellis was laughing, though Maire was frowning. "It says we're supposed to encourage him to use the proper pronunciation of the words," she read from the instruction booklet on their new child. 

"I think they mean if he's deliberately mispronouncing it," Ellis said, in a sing-song voice, tapping Jonas on the nose. "Right now his tongue is trying to work it all out, and cannot. You need to vocalize, little Jonas. Vocalize Jonas-bonus."

Maire looked worried, "Fudder isn't a proper pronunciation."

"He can't get his name either, Maire. He calls himself Joes. He will get there, in time." Ellis got the impression that Maire wanted things to be perfect, while Ellis was far more willing to let things with Jonas slide. Maybe it was his softness as a Nurturer, but he hated using the discipline wand. He only used it at work when he absolutely had to, and only on the older children. 

"Ask at the Childcare Center tomorrow, when you drop him off, to see if they're using it for this," Ellis suggested. He knew the wand was used on Ones to get them to stop sucking on their thumbs, and instead use their comfort objects. Jonas had taken to his bear quickly, and liked to nibble on the bear's nose. 

"I'm sorry," Maire said. "I am just apprehensive about being a parent, now that the excitement of the Ceremony has worn off. I don't want to create a rule-breaker. Can you imagine, my own son in front of me?"

"That would never happen," Ellis said, his sing-song voice back. "Would it little Jonas-bonus?"

The little boy giggled, "Joes!" He was very pleased with his name, and reached down to grab his toes. "Joes Joes!" he called again, delighted with the sound of his own voice. 

Even Maire softened at that. "I'll ask. You might be right. He knows what his name is, even if he can't say it all the way."

The next day, when she arrived home with the infant, she looked relieved. "I was wrong to be so concerned," she said, smiling. "They said they haven't had to use the wand on Jonas hardly at all. The staff member there said we were very good parents."

Of course we are, Ellis thought. How could one raise a child so badly right now when they were so small? Some parents did, which Maire explained.

"The Four in his year? Asher? Apparently he's quite the rowdy one, I think he's going to be a handful for his parents," added Maire. 

"Asher-basher?" Ellis asked. "He was such a giggly, happy boy at the Center. Maybe he's just having trouble adjusting to the new rules."

"Jonas did just fine," Maire said, and Ellis didn't have to catch any hint of pride in her voice, it was all in the open.

"Yes he did, and we're very proud." Ellis tickled Jonas under the chin until he laughed. Very proud indeed.

* * *

Ellis had been on cloud nine since bringing Jonas home, and the staff at the Center could tell. 

"If I had known giving you a child would make you this much more productive, I would have done it ages ago," Kenichi remarked dryly. 

"You didn't say that about me!" Nash protested. "Nor did Paloma!"

"That's because they knew what was good for them," Jonas muttered, and Kenichi laughed. 

"I only mention because rumor is that Rudy is going to be retiring to the House of the Old," Kenichi said, and Ellis immediately caught his aim. 

That meant there would be another level of promotions, and Ellis and Sara were next in line for one. Sara had been there longer, but seniority didn't matter; Kenichi hadn't been there as long as Paloma, and he'd been named Supervisor before she had. 

If he were promoted, he would get his own Assistant, and would no longer be Kenichi's Assistant. As Supervisor, Kenichi wouldn't take any more Assistants on. He wondered how Sara would feel if he was promoted above her. She didn't seem to act any differently towards him that day, but Ellis knew it was on everyone's mind. 

When he arrived back home, he was eager to tell Maire that he might be promoted. 

"Congratulations!" she said, beaming. "That will be wonderful for all of us, won't it?"

"It hasn't happened yet," Ellis cautioned. "They might give it to Sara, she's been there a year longer than me, and she works hard as well." 

Maire shook her head, "I will hope for you, regardless."

Maire was now a full Judge in the system. Alexander had chosen to promote her above several of her colleagues as well. She was a smart woman, and Ellis knew she was thinking about that while talking to him about the open promotion. 

"Isn't Rudy a bit young to go the House of the Old?" she asked. "How long has he been there?"

"He was a Supervisor when I started," Ellis said. "And he was already living with the Childless Adults. There's no set age for it, you can request it, and the Elders grant it when they deem it necessary. I guess they've deemed it necessary for him."

Like everything else, one applied to the House of the Old. Some people applied early and waited for years. Others were encouraged to apply by the Elders and quickly accepted in. It wasn't a secret process; eventually everyone in the Community had served their purpose and would live out their last few years in moderate comfort. 

The only thing one did not apply for was Release. Release was a controlled Ceremony at the House of the Old, so as not to have too many Releases at once. There were difficulties, sometimes, when a Loss happened. The last one had been two years ago, a man had fallen and hit his head. That was the last Loss that Ellis could remember. 

"It will be a good development for you," Maire said, interrupting his thoughts. "I have every confidence that you will get it."

Ellis was quiet. "Thank you," he said after a moment. "I am glad that someone believes in me." 

He wasn't worried about not getting it, but nor was he worried about getting it. He was rather neutral on the whole thing, and if someone had asked him, he'd have said that Sara should get the promotion because she'd been there longer. 

Rudy officially stepped down two weeks later. The staff threw him a party, and even asked the Night Nurturers to come in and say their goodbyes as well. Rudy was very well-liked among the staff, especially the night workers, and his send off was happy. No doubt his send-off at the House of the Old would be even more spectacular as more of his life would be shared there. 

When Sara was called to speak to the Supervisors and Head, Ellis figured she had received the promotion. When she came out of the meeting, her eyes were red. 

"Uh oh," Nash said. "Someone didn't get the news they were hoping for. Ellis, you better be nice."

"I'm always nice," Ellis whispered back, though now a warm feeling was spreading through his stomach. If Sara hadn't been promoted … that only followed that _he_ was. 

Sure enough, Kenichi beckoned him to the meeting room. He had to pass Sara on the way in. He knew it was breaking protocol to touch a non-family member, but he pressed his palm on Sara's shoulder, softly.

"Thank you," she whispered. "And congratulations." 

* * *

The Childcare Center would send letters home with Jonas, little progress reports, indicating what Ellis and Maire needed to work on with Jonas. Most children were toilet-trained by the time they became Twos, though some of the higher-numbered ones needed a few months into being Twos to master the skill. 

Jonas was an earlier One, and thus began his training about half-way through they year. Getting Jonas to use the toilet was the most frustrating thing that Ellis and Maire had to do with Jonas. 

"No!" the toddler would say, his lip quivering when they would take him. "No!" he'd say again, as they used the discipline wand on him when he refused. 

To say they were exasperated was an understatement. 

"Do other family units go through this?" Ellis panted on a rather terrible evening, in which Jonas had chosen to soil himself on the kitchen floor. 

"I don't know!" Maire said, clearly as exasperated as he was. 

"No, no, no, no, no," Jonas yelled, stripping himself of his diaper cloth and toddling around the chairs. "Jonas no!" he said, gripping to one of the chairs for support. 

Not even the wand could calm the boy down, but he couldn't be as strict with it as Maire was. 

"Here," he conceded, handing her the wand. 

She looked almost sad, but took the wand and applied two strokes to Jonas' legs. 

"No," the boy whimpered, looking at his parents with wide eyes. "No," he said again, but softer this time. 

When Ellis moved in with the diaper cloth, the boy let him attach it. "Now let's come use the toilet, Jonas," Ellis said softly. "Come on, just like Mother and Father do, be a big boy."

Jonas scrunched up his face, "Don't wanna be a big boy."

"You can't be a little boy," Ellis said. "You're too big to be a little boy."

Jonas shook his head, but let Ellis lead him to the toilet. "Don't wanna be a big boy, don't wanna be a big boy, don't wanna be a big boy," he said to himself, over and over again as he was hoisted up. Now, for the first time, tears were streaming down his face. It nearly broke Ellis' resolve, but he stayed firm. 

After Jonas had finished, Ellis wrapped him back up; he was little enough yet that he didn't wake himself during the night. In a few weeks' time, the Childcare Center would send a letter home, advising them to wake Jonas up on a regular schedule during the night to get him fully trained to use the toilet. That night wasn't going to be tonight. Nor the night after. Or the night after, where the same scenario played itself out. 

Part of parenting was firmness, and a good deal of parenting was patience. Sure enough, he and Maire started using the wand less and less as the days ticked by, and Jonas used the toilet regularly. 

"Thank goodness that hurdle is over," Maire said. "Honestly, can you believe some parents want to do this two years in a row?" 

Ellis laughed heartily. It was nice when he and Maire agreed on something without him needing to voice his opinion first. That would help with the continued raising of Jonas. 

In due time, it was the Ceremony, Jonas would be Two. Here he would lose his diaper cloth for good, and be given undergarments that were more suited for a small child. No longer was he really a toddler. 

Ellis helped out with the Naming Ceremony, then quickly came back to go on stage with Maire and Jonas to receive his clothing. It was exhausting. Next year, Jonas would go by himself as a Three, and wouldn't need his parents to assist him, which meant he didn't have to rush so much and could enjoy the Ceremony. 

He was excited about this Ceremony for another reason as well; this Ceremony the Thirty-Six, Rosemary, would be Assigned, and he was curious to see what the Receiver of Memory's daughter would be assigned. As far as he knew, the Receiver and his spouse did not have a second child, which struck him as unusual, but the Receiver was permitted such stature in the Community, Ellis couldn't be expected to be surprised that he possibly had a variance that permitted them not to apply for a second child.

Only after the Thirty-Five was called, the Chief jumped right to the Thirty-Seven. The crowd murmured, uneasy, but they trusted their Chief. This had been the Chief that had been Chief when the man disturbed the Ceremony of Twelve with his rant about Birthmothers. This was a well-liked Chief, and Ellis would be sad to see him go.

"Rosemary has been Selected," the Chief began, and Ellis found himself sitting forward, listening to the Chief. Of course. Everything fell into place. The Receiver's replacement was his daughter. 

As he chanted Rosemary's name over and over again, he wondered if there was something to the fact that both the Receiver and the new Receiver in Training had the same pale eyes as Jonas did. 

* * *

_Progress Report: Jonas_  
Jonas is a well-behaved child. He is increasingly patient, and has formed a bond with a boy named Asher, who is very much the opposite of him. Jonas helps Asher follow the community rules and is very dedicated to always listening to his Specialist. He shows an aptitude for shape toys, and can correctly identify 8 of the 10 shapes in his play-kit.  
Jonas needs to work on staying still during stroller rides. 

Ellis smiled at the report from his son, now a Two. Jonas was thriving fully, even if he was a bit eager to explore during stroller rides. To assist in correcting the behavior, Ellis would take Jonas on bike rides around the community, the little boy kicking at the back of his seat when there was something he wanted to see. 

"No, Jonas-bonus, we're just watching," Ellis sang as they strolled along. "See the tree? See the grass? See the river? Do you like the river?"

"Play river?" Jonas asked, banging his arms against his seat. 

"It's too dangerous to play in the river," Ellis said. "But in a few years, you'll get to learn to swim in the pool. You can play in the pool." 

Jonas was quiet at this, thinking things through. Finally he came up with "Play grass in river, please?"

"Near," Ellis said automatically. "Play near the river, Jonas. Not in. Near."

"Play grass near river please!" Jonas corrected himself.

Ellis laughed. "No, little guy, we're just watching today, remember? No play."

Jonas stayed quiet for most of the ride, and Ellis thought he was improving. 

"Play grass in river after nap please?"

Ellis was floored, and nearly fell off his bike. He stopped so he could look at Jonas properly. The Two was looking up at him, his eyes wide with expectation. He had asked a question, and he wanted an answer.

"After a nap, we can play in the grass near the river," Ellis said. If only he knew what an eventful nap it was going to turn out to be.

* * *

The woman was yelling at him. He was in a place like his dwelling, but very different. They were in the kitchen, but the walls were lined with sayings like 'Home is Where The Heart Is' and 'Thyme Began In A Garden'. The woman had a large cooking spoon in her hand, and Ellis knew she was angry. His stomach made a noise - it HURT - and he looked up at the woman silently. 

Ellis woke in a cold sweat. Jonas was crying. He ran from his room and into Jonas' to discover Maire there, standing limply, holding the toddler. Ellis' nurturing instinct kicked in and he soothed the Two, stroking him gently. "It's all right, Nineteen," he said softly. "Mother and Father are here. Maire?"

Maire looked how he felt, white and pale and miserable. "Scared," was all she said. He sat in the rocking chair, soothing Jonas back to sleep. He didn't have a word for what he had felt. 

Faintly he could hear the bells signaling that something was going wrong. The Speaker's voice cackled to life, though he sounded shaken as well. _Residents are advised to stay in their dwellings until further notice._ He glanced at Maire again, who looked like she might fall over if she remained standing. He stood with the toddler, who was starting to fall back asleep, and offered her the chair; she practically fell into it, and Ellis could see she was trying to make her gasps less audible. He leaned against the crib, putting all of his energy into making sure Jonas was falling asleep. 

Eventually, he and Jonas wound up in his bed. Jonas seemed to be sound asleep, but every time he drifted off, his stomach would rumble, and he would be wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

That morning, an announcement came, "All residents are to make their way to the auditorium for an important announcement."

Maire had barely gotten dressed, leaving Ellis to dress Jonas and get them ready to go to the auditorium. When they exited their dwelling, Ellis could see they weren't the only family affected. In fact, they all looked affected. Not only that, but the laundry hadn't been picked up, nor meals delivered. As he thought of meals, the pain in his stomach roared to life and he gasped, the pain terrible and great. He wavered on his bike, peddling unsteadily. He was not the only some. His neighbors, with their 11 year old, looked like they needed severe Relief-of-Pain meds. 

At the auditorium, Ellis gently guided Maire to a seat. He was being as careful as possible with her, but some spouses were being extra comforting; some huddled together, as though they were looking for warmth. Ellis wasn't cold, his stomach grabbed at him, and he couldn't think of what he was feeling. It was like his insides were dying - the sharp pangs almost felt warm, though Ellis knew that wasn't right. 

The Chief Elder, a pale looking man, looked even more pale as he strode onto the stage. 

"He'll explain everything," Ellis said, trying to reassure Maire. Jonas fussed in his lap, but he held the child tightly. Ellis didn't know what he was feeling right now. He didn't know which words fit. Helpless? He didn't know what helpless was, but it felt like the right word.

"All applications for Release are temporarily banned," was the first thing the Chief Elder said.

Some in the crowd gasped; some cried out for Relief of Pain medication. Some looked angry. Maire looked like she needed some Relief of Pain. 

"This catastrophic failure has not been felt in our community for many many years. Longer than even I can remember. We have lost our Receiver in Training," the Elder said. "The Receiver is here to explain."

And then the man that Ellis would remember as taking the first child he wanted appeared. She had been the Receiver in Training just a few weeks ago, right when Jonas got his new clothing, the clothing of the Twos. 

"My community, I am sorry. I have failed you," the Receiver said, his voice somber. "This is little we can do except to process what is happening to us. As you know, the Receiver of Memory holds the Memory of the communities entire history. When it is time, that history is passed on to the new Receiver of Memory, and is no longer mine."

Here the man paused, and Ellis could see he was struggling not to cry. "Rosemary was a poor choice for Receiver of Memory. She applied for Release yesterday afternoon. The Elders and I did not think it would be so soon for the memories to come back."

"Take them back!" someone in the crowd yelled, causing several young children to start crying. 

"I will. In time," the Receiver said. "Until that time, as the Chief Elder has stated, Release is prohibited except for the old, the young, and those who break the laws of our society. The only way to get through this, is together."

Ellis wanted to ask what he was feeling, but something of a muted calm was sweeping over the community. Ellis didn't know what 'get through this together' meant, and he didn't want to know. 

The Chief Elder stepped up to speak, "School activities will be postponed, as will many jobs. Laborers are still expected to perform their tasks, and Birthmothers will still birth children."

That meant he had to go to work; someone had to look after the newchildren who would be affected by this. 

"There will be community meetings right after morning meal, and again before evening meal, until further notice." When the Chief Elder said this, a collective gasp rang out from the crowd. Community meetings were rare events, but to have one twice a day? It was unprecedented. 

"Judges and Lawyers will be expected to perform, as wilful disobedience of the community rules will not be tolerated."

Ellis noticed that the Receiver looked upset about this. All too quickly he realized it was a back-door to getting Released. If one couldn't apply, one could egregiously break a rule to get Released. 

He looked at Maire, wondering if she'd managed to come up with the same thing, but she looked at a loss. He looked back at the child in his arms, and wondered how he was going to keep the whole family calm. The Chief Elder was speaking again, but Ellis wasn't paying attention. 

People got up to leave, Maire included, so Ellis stood as well. "No, didn't you hear?" she said, her voice the tender sort she only reserved for Jonas. "He asked the Nurturers and a few others to stay."

Ellis wasn't sure Maire could make it back with Jonas, but she looked determined, so he gave his son to Maire, and sank back into his seat. 

"I'll imagine he'll want to speak to Law and Justice tomorrow," Maire was saying, but Ellis wasn't paying attention. The pain in his stomach was louder now. He thought maybe Maire could hear it, but she couldn't. 

He knew then, what he wanted. What this feeling was. Food. He wanted food. 

"I need food," he said to no one in particular, as Maire and Jonas left. "I need food," he said again, and several others agreed with him. 

He moved closer to the stage, looking for Nash and Sara. He found Kenichi instead. 

"We must be calm," Kenichi said, though his eyes were wide with terror. Ellis could only nod. Calm. If he was calm, they might give him food. It was now the only thought in his head. 

The Chief Elder wasn't speaking to the whole group at large; he and the Receiver were each addressing a group, with the other Elders taking a third. The House of Old carers were there, the Nurturers, the Childcare Specialists from the Childcare Center, and the Doctors. 

"You are the carers of the society, you will be our biggest asset," the Elder at their group was saying. "You know how to soothe a crying newchild, you will be soothing your fellow community members."

It was a great responsibility, one that Ellis didn't know that he could handle. "For now, return to the Nurturing Center, the Receiver tells me that the newchildren will be affected the greatest by this," the Elder said. 

The group walked in silence back to the Nurturing Center, where the Night Nurturers were eager to see them. Many of the infants were crying. There were only seven of them, and far more Nurturers and Assistants, so all the Assistants were permitted to leave. Kenichi and Paloma had shut themselves up in their office, leaving Nash, Sara, himself and the rest of the staff to soothe the crying infants. 

Some of them could not be consoled, no matter how gentle they were with them. After many hours, the Assistants returned, some of them pale-faced with red eyes. Ellis was grateful for the opportunity to go home. He wanted to sleep, and get a meal in. 

As he rode his bike among the dwellings, he could see the destruction that was already raining down; many families did not put their bikes away properly, and several had their doors open as well. Ellis was pleased, for a moment, when he saw that their dwellings door was properly latched.

Maire was in the kitchen, Jonas at the table next to her. "Mother sad," Jonas announced to Ellis as he walked in. "Share feelings. Mother sad. Play grass near river?" 

* * *

It took weeks to get back to the way it had been before; it took weeks for the pain to leave his belly; it took weeks for the Sharing of Feelings to be anything but a somber occasion. It was Jonas who didn't seem terribly affected by this, who was doing as well as he had been before. The progress report had been months ago, and Jonas had learned to sit quietly and observe. 

The meetings in the auditorium gradually tapered off as the memories faded away. There had been several more, and all things in the Community had ground to a halt, then started back up again slowly. 

It was perhaps something of a grand coincidence that the year the Receiver of Memory failed was the same year they were to get a new Chief Elder. 

That was today's Ceremony, and he happily bundled up Jonas, who looked wide-eyed with excitement. Jonas could catch moods quickly, something his progress reports indicated regularly. When someone was sad, Jonas would be sad. If his peers were elated, Jonas would be elated. He was a curious child like that, but it was empathy, and a good skill to have. Perhaps Jonas would make a good Elder. After they went to live with the Childless Adults, Maire would get promoted to Elder. She was rising through the ranks fast, and had just taken over Alexander's position. 

He and Maire made their way to the Auditorium, taking their seats next to Fiona's parents; they knew Fiona because she was Eighteen, and Jonas was Nineteen, and they had sat together at the first two Ceremonies. 

"I hope it's a woman this time," Fiona's mother said, bouncing Fiona on her lap. The girl giggled, causing Jonas to giggle as well. "We haven't had a female Chief Elder in a long time." 

Ellis thought back to his life, trying to remember. When he was assigned at Twelve, it had been a male, and there hadn't been a female in that time. He agreed, "Yes, I think you're right. It's been a long time since we've had a female. It would be good for Fiona to have another strong community member to look up to." 

Unspoken were his thoughts on how he did not wish Fiona to be a Birthmother. He was being influenced by Maire, but also Fiona was a soft, gentle child, and would not stand the rigors of what being a Birthmother entailed. Those who did not know thought it was a life of pampering and luxury. They didn't know what it was really like.

Fiona's mother readily agreed, "Oh, I know, it would be nice to raise her and let her know that she too, can be an Elder and eventually Chief Elder." 

"That is a very long way from now," Ellis said, gently placing Jonas on the floor so he and Fiona could sit together. The seats in front of them would make sure they did not wander off, and there was plenty of room for the two to play. 

The Chief Elder called everyone to order, and they listened to him intently. On stage, sitting behind him, were all the other Elders, dressed in their distinguishing robes. They usually sat in the back of the auditorium, and some of them looked uncomfortable to be in the spotlight. 

By his count, the male Elders outnumbered the female 2:1, which was the opposite of how the ratio existed in the community. That was probably why there hadn't been a female Elder in quite some time. 

Ellis scanned their faces, looking for anyone who might be familiar. With a jolt, he realized he recognised one, from a long time ago, when he had gone before the Elders to discuss an Assistant who had been mis-assigned. 

"The one one the left, second in," he said to Maire. "I hope it's her." 

"Left, sixth one in, second row," Maire whispered back. "She's formerly from the Department of Justice. I hope it's her." 

Ellis wondered if everyone were desiring a female Elder. His sample size was small, and his mathematics Instructor would have told him that he needed to speak with more people. It was biased as well, but Ellis dismissed that. It was large enough for him. 

"My Community, it has been an honor and a privilege to serve you these years," the Chief Elder said gravely, which instantly distracted Ellis from his thoughts. "We have been through many challenges, this last year in particular, but we have risen above them, and are united as a community once more. It is apt then, that I resign from my post, and pass the torch to another Elder, fully deserving of your acceptance." 

Ellis leaned forward in his seat in anticipation; he was not the only one. It seemed the whole auditorium was holding its breath, waiting for the Chief Elder to speak. 

"Elvira," he said, and the crowd erupted in cheers. He held up a hand, trying to quiet the crowd, but he let them cheer for a minute before continuing. "Elvira," he said again. "Will you please step forward?"

Elvira was on the right, and Ellis was disappointed, but the Elder that he'd been wishing for didn't look displeased by the choice at all. Of course, Ellis thought, they had known the selection ahead of time, they were the ones who selected the next Chief. Elvira rose and made her way to stand next to the Chief Elder, who was grinning. 

"This is Elvira, she has been a wonderful member of our Community, from the time she was very small. At Twelve, Elvira was assigned to be an Assistant at the Department of Goods and Services. She started off working in the Clothing division, making sure that we had enough cloth on hand for all our needs, and that our old clothing was being re-used properly. 

"She worked her way up the ranks, and was eventually named Director of the Department of Goods and Services, and from there, she was on the Trips Committee, so any of your children who have visited another Community, or had another Community come to visit your age group, Elvira helped with that.

"She and her spouse raised two successful children, and her kindness and dedication in raising them helped our Committee of Elders place her on the list for possible future Elders. After her children were grown, she was named Elder. 

"Elvira is thoughtful, compassionate, yet structured and firm. She will guide the community with grace and strength." 

The Chief Elder took a long pause, catching his breath after the lengthy speech, and then said, "I present to you, your Chief Elder." 

The crowd began to chant, softly at first, but then louder, "Elvira! Elvira! Elvira!" Soon it turned a three-syllable emphatic declaration: "El-veer-ah! El-veer-ah!"

The former Chief Elder (whose name Ellis could not even remember), walked quietly off the stage as the community accepted their new Chief Elder.

* * *

Jonas progressed normally, and his time as a Three passed without incident. He had a fascination with playing out stories, and was always excited when his parents came to pick him up from the Center. While at the Center, children played in groups, and had to compromise on what they would play, and how they would play. In the dwellings, the young children could play out how they wanted. 

Evening time was supposed to be for reflection; a time to reset for the next day, but many parents of small children didn't start instilling that in their children until they were Fours. Three was a time to play and explore, and Ellis was all to happy to indulge. 

"What are we going to play today?"

"We will play pirates!" he announced to Ellis as they rode home. 

"You will be on the boat and I will come and break your boat and take you with me on my boat and then you will help me break other boats and be a pirate too and we will break all the boats and when we are done we will break our boat and there will be no more pirates because all the boats will be broken," Jonas babbled on the way home. Jonas' idea of playing was to announce the plan to which ever parent was bringing him back to the dwelling, and then very specifically play it out. 

"And Mother, Jonas-bonus? Is she a pirate too?"

"Noooo!" Jonas howled with glee. "Mother is my boat!"

"I see, " said Ellis, trying very hard not to laugh. "And what is my boat?"

Jonas kicked at his seat, "No, you don't get a boat, you come on my boat." 

Ellis shook his head, "Jonas, I remember you telling me I was going to get a boat before you broke it and came onto your boat and became a pirate."

Jonas considered this for a moment, but shook his head, "No, I will break your boat already and you will be on my boat and we will break all the boats and then there will be no more boats and no more pirates."

"And Mother can't be a pirate too?" he clarified.

"Mother is my boat until I break the boat and there are no more boats," Jonas confirmed. 

When they arrived at the dwelling, he quietly informed Maire that she was to be the boat to his and Jonas' pirates. 

"Remember last week when you were the plane?" Maire whispered back. 

Jonas' play ideas included one other person, and one object. As they prepared to play pirates before the evening meal, Ellis asked, "Jonas, do you play pirates at the Center?"

Jonas shook his head, "Nobody can be the boat so there are no pirates. We play 'venture instead." 

"Maybe we could try playing adventure tonight?" Maire asked, but Jonas emphatically shook his head. 

"No, we will play pirates. You have to be the boat, Mother. Like this." Jonas lay on the ground on his back, curling his hands into the air to be the masts of the boat. "And Father and I will go here and be the pirates and we will break the other boats and then there will be no more boats."

Ellis knew better than to try to suggest something different. It wasn't that Jonas was stubborn; if Maire protested enough and asked to play a different game, Jonas would pout, but acquiesce to the demand. Ellis just liked Jonas' imagination, how vivid it was, and how children could invent things so very unlike the Community they were in. 

One of the things that children in the Community tended to invent, were fake beings and things that played with them. The letter sent with Jonas at the Ceremony of Three said this was perfectly natural and that it was only a concern if the child had troubles distinguishing it from reality. 

_You should use the discipline wand to reinforce reality_

Jonas' inventions were of pirates and planes that flew all over the sky and into different worlds. Jonas hadn't come home talking of a creature that he'd invented until a few days after playing pirates. 

He again beamed when Ellis was there to pick him up. 

"What are we going to play today?" he asked his son, who laughed mischievously. 

"Play adventure with Pirate!" Jonas bubbled. 

The way Jonas said Pirate had him concerned, like Pirate was a name. Sure enough, as Jonas continued, it became more evident.

"We will go adventure into the woods across the river and Mother and you and Pirate will come-" 

"No," Ellis said firmly. "Pirate is not real, Jonas. Are you making someone up."

"Pirate's not a person," Jonas said, and Ellis thought he sounded a bit exasperated. "Pirate has seven legs and six eyes and eats rocks!"

Ellis shook his head, "No, Jonas. You know that Pirate isn't real. Pirate isn't going to play with _us_."

"Noooo," Jonas shouted. "Pirate and Mother and you and me will play adventure and-"

"Do you need the discipline wand, Jonas?" Ellis said, in his threatening voice. Jonas was silent the rest of the ride home. When Ellis glanced back, Jonas' face was scrunched up in frustration and he stuck his tongue out at Ellis. "That's one smack for disrespect," Ellis said, clenching the handlebars. He was angry with Jonas, angry with him for having an imaginary being. 

He knew if it was included in Jonas' Three packet that Jonas wasn't the only one who had done this, but it still upset him. 

"Someone has a fake creature," he told Maire. Jonas was subdued, as he knew he had earned one smack from the wand for disrespecting his Father on the way home. 

The night ended quietly, with Jonas asking not to play any games, and saying his Feelings were 'sorry' which he and Maire worked through until Jonas could say that he felt remorseful for the bad way in which he had been acting. 

Ellis took Jonas to the Center the following morning, to alert them to Jonas' development. They hadn't sent a notice home with him, so it hadn't come up at the Center. 

The Specialist, Gladys, nodded. "I think it might have something to do with Asher," she said. She looked around to see if anyone was listening. "Asher is having some language problems, and has nearly stopped speaking altogether. Jonas is more subdued as well, missing his friend. The other Specialists and I have an idea of how to get both boys back on track."

Ellis nodded, and thanked her for her assistance. 

The subdued mood was contagious; it might have started with Asher and his struggles with language, but soon it had spread throughout the Nurturing Center. Ellis' assistant had caught it from Ellis, and passed it to Sophia over lunch, who gave it to Nash, who gave it to Sara, who gave it to Paloma (though this was Paloma, so there wasn't much difference). 

He didn't know what to expect when picking Jonas up; Gladys handed him Jonas' notice.

Ellis dully recited the notice for Maire back at the dwelling, "Jonas attempts to play with Asher but will talk about Pirate and be placed in the Naughtiness Room. As his behavior has not been modified, he will be placed in the Naughtiness Room until his behavior is fully modified."

"Not there," Maire said, sadly. "Jonas, come. You know Pirate isn't real. You are breaking the rules, Jonas!" Her tone was sharp and Jonas looked rebuked. 

"No Pirate," he admitted to Maire.

The night passed without incident, but the next day, Jonas was back with another notice. "Jonas will be spending tomorrow in the Naughtiness Room as welll," Ellis said.

This night, Maire was far more liberal with her use of the discipline wand. 

The next day, Jonas wasn't sent home with a notice. 

He wasn't back to his old self straight-away; Asher was still not speaking unless he absolutely had to, and Jonas was frustrated; all Sharing of Feelings went the same way.

"Jonas? Your turn for Feelings," Maire chirped.

"Frustrated." Jonas said, deadpan. Ellis had to resist the urge to laugh. Deadpan on a Three was amusing; he bit the inside of his cheek to stop. "Asher is still working on language," Jonas continued, the conversation practically memorized from the past few nights.

"And what did you tell you about patience?" Maire prompted. 

"That I should be patient, because Asher just needs time," Jonas droned. 

Maire smiled at Jonas, "Right! So what are we going to work on for tomorrow?"

"Patience." Jonas' solemn pale eyes held Maire's until she, uncomfortable, turned away.

* * *

In due time, Asher started to speak again, and Jonas bubbled alongside his closest friend. They were almost inseparable, and Ellis was reminded of how he and Andrei had been just as inseparable when they were children. December was drawing nearer each day, and Jonas was excited to be a Four.

"And then Asher and I will button each other and then we will go help the others and Fiona has small fingers so she might need some help and then we will help and then we go be adults," Jonas said, in one breath.

Ellis laughed, "I think you skipped some steps in there, Jonas. Don't be so eager to get all big like me." He whispered conspiratorially to his son, "It's really boring."

Jonas shook his head, "No, you get to play all day, and Mother gets to Release people. I want to go help her Release people all day."

Maire looked up from her sprawling desk, which had now been moved into the main living area after Jonas had arrived. She gave Jonas an appraising look, "You do?"

"Yes, I will be your new assistant."

Maire had gotten yet another promotion, quickly moving up in the Department, and now there was an opening for an Assistant. 

"I will be your assistant and I will Release -" Jonas paused, thinking about this. Eliis sucked in his breath.

Don't say a name, Ellis thought. Please Jonas, don't say a name.

"-the stealing one!" Jonas exclaimed, and Ellis let out his breath. 

"And who else?" Maire prompted, causing Jonas to sit near Maire and actually ponder the question. That was good; Jonas was incredibly smart already, and he and Maire encouraged him whenever they could. Neither of them were going to wind up with a Food Deliverer in eight years' time. 

When Jonas struggled to come up with a second offense for Release, Maire teased him, just a little, "Peter can help me with the others …"

To Ellis' surprise, Jonas slipped off his chair and conceded. "Okay," the nearly-Four said. "And Asher and I will help Fiona and then we will play Wheels Races."

As Jonas went to his room, Ellis raised a brow at Maire, "So Peter?"

Maire beamed, "Yes. He's absolutely wonderful, and an amazing volunteer. I'll be shocked if he doesn't wind up here. Jonas might too - I mean, he hasn't expressed an interest in - I'm sorry if I have offended you." 

The thing that Ellis really liked about Maire was how she didn't get flustered easily. When she tripped up over Jonas hypothetical appointment, he shook his head. "I'm not offended, and I won't be upset if he follows you into Law and Justice. In a few years he might decide he likes newchildren, but to be honest, I'd rather him quizzed by you on the laws and regulations."

"I would have expected you to nonplussed about it!" Maire exclaimed. "If he didn't show an interest in what I did, I would have quite the interesting Sharing of Feelings."

"This is why we're a good family unit," Ellis reminded her. "We balance very nicely."

Though a part of him knew they'd only be truly balanced with a girl to join them.


	4. The Children

Sometimes it was like Maire could read his mind. At the Ceremony of Four, when Jonas got his back-buttoning jacket, Maire leaned over to him and whispered, "Should we apply for a girl?" 

He didn't know how the answer to that could be anything but yes. 

This time, he didn't tell Nash and Sara that he had applied for a girl; they would ask him too many questions about the newchildren that he liked, and he didn't want that. He wanted to keep the ones that he liked to himself. Kenichi once again had to pull him into his office, explaining about not playing favorites. His eyes twinkled though, and he hadn't said it as seriously as he had four years ago. 

That might have been because Sara and her spouse had just received the Six that she had been fawning over all year. 

"Right," Ellis confirmed. "No favorites. Absolutely no perks to being a Nurturer at all."

"That's the spirit," Kenichi said, his eyes still twinkling with merriment. Ellis got the impression this was a part of the job that Kenichi enjoyed greatly. "And don't you worry, I won't tell the others you've put the application in."

Ellis did tell Jonas, though, sitting the boy down one evening when he had returned earlier than expected from home. 

"Jonas," he said, smiling at his son. "You know how some of your playmates have a brother or sister?"

Jonas seemed to contemplate the question. "Asher and Fiona don't," he said finally, which wasn't an answer to the question, but Ellis let it go for the moment. 

"Your Mother and I have asked the Elders to let us bring a sister home for you. Would you like that?" 

Again, Jonas contemplated the question. "I would have a home playmate?" he asked, looking pleased at the idea of a home playmate. "Not Fiona," he added.

Ellis laughed, "No, not Fiona. An infant. Like the Ones at the Center, only smaller."

"Small," Jonas said, considering it. After a moment he looked at Ellis. "I want a big playmate for at home." 

Ellis couldn't argue with that, the child had a point. "She'll get big. Like the Twos and Threes."

"Only if she gets bigger," Jonas finally declared. "Then I will like that." 

* * *

In all honesty, he hadn't been expecting to get Twenty-Three, even if she was the one he had been hoping for. . She was an older newchild, and very lively. He had done well, he thought, with Jonas, now a Five, and eager to go to school ("But play with Lily after at the Center"). Why had they given him and Maire a child so completely different? 

Lily was an active child, far more than Jonas had been. He and Maire had been lulled into a false sense of security, thinking that things with Lily would be as easy as things had been with Jonas. Lily required far more use of the discipline wand than Jonas did, and it didn't help that Jonas would offer commentary as it was administered. 

"Asher doesn't do good with it either," he informed his father, after Maire had made Lily cry using it.

"Well," Ellis corrected, sighing. He was tired of the calm inquisitiveness that Jonas was growing into. 

"Asher doesn't do well with it either," Jonas corrected, leaning against the wall.

"Proper posture, Jonas," Maire said, wagging the wand at him. 

Jonas straightened up, though he still stayed against the wall. Ellis wanted to tell Jonas to do his schoolwork, but his schoolwork was probably already done; Jonas was quite the intelligent student, even if he wouldn't be pushed into a specific field of study. 

"How come Lily gets into so much trouble? Did _I_ ever get into this much trouble?" he asked, as Lily's sobs quieted into sniffles. 

Lily was a thumb-sucker, and breaking her of it was difficult; not even the Childcare Center could get her to stop. She was a Two, old enough to know better than to not to, but she would still stick her thumb in her mouth. Sometimes she would do it when she didn't need to be soothed, as though she enjoyed having her thumb in her mouth.

Luckily, it wasn't a matter of failing to thrive - if Asher could by just fine with his language difficulties, they didn't need to worry about Lily not getting by - but it reflected poorly on them as parents. Notice after notice would be sent to them from the Childcare Center, about the discipline used on Lily that day, and for what reasons. 

Jonas rarely had a notice sent home with him, and his progress reports showed that he was intelligent, if a bit quiet. 

"You took a while to be toilet trained," Ellis said finally, realizing that Jonas was still watching with wide eyes. Ever since Jonas had been a Seven, he'd seemed eager to be fully grown-up. He couldn't start volunteering yet, but that wasn't stopping himself from inserting himself into adult conversations. 

"Really?" Jonas' face crinkled with surprise. "But that's silly. Even Lily is already toilet trained!"

Ellis nodded, using this as a teaching moment, "Yes, it is silly, but you learned. Just like Lily is learning not to suck on her thumb, and use her comfort object if she needs soothing. Just like your friend Asher takes a while to learn things. Sometimes some of us take a little longer than others, and that's okay. Some of us have difficulties with things. Remember how you struggled with helping your friends with their jackets when you were younger?"

Jonas looked thoughtful, "They were big and everything, but I found it difficult. Just like Lily finds not sucking on her thumb difficult." A look of knowing passed on Jonas' face then, and Ellis watched as Jonas raced to the kitchen. 

"I need it," Ellis could hear him asking Maire. "I need my comfort object." 

Now Ellis followed into the kitchen, giving Maire a quizzical look. He didn't know what was going on either. One Jonas had the object, he promptly walked over to Lily's playpen. "Here, Lily, now you can have two comfort objects to help you." 

What a thoughtful gesture by his son. Ellis supposed that being friends with Asher made Jonas far more creative about how to approach situations. He didn't know that he would have thought to give Lily something else for comfort as well. 

"That was very nice of you, Jonas," Maire said, reinforcing the good behavior. "Now Lily has two alternatives to sucking on her thumb. Lily, what do you say to your brother?"

"Thank you for bear, Jonas," Lily said. She went to go put her thumb in her mouth, but stopped halfway, and tucked the comfort object under her arm instead. 

"I wish the Childcare Center could see this," Maire murmured. "Maybe she's broke of the habit after all." 

The next day, there was no notice sent home with Lily, who still had Jonas' comfort object in addition to her own. Nor was a notice sent the day after that, or the day after that. Eventually, Lily relinquished the comfort object back to Jonas, who seemed to have missed it greatly. 

That night, as Ellis checked in on the two sleeping children, he noticed both of them slept the same way, with their comfort objects pressed tightly against their chests, guarding them.

* * *

The note accompanying Jonas home from School asked for his comfort object and a change of clothing to be packed for the next day: the Sixes were going to visit a Community. 

Ellis could remember different Communities coming to visit the, but he couldn't remember going to one. 

"Me either," Maire said, when she had been asked. She was brushing Lily's hair. Lily, at Two, had wily, wild hair that took forever to be tamed. The child was impatient, and often he and Maire would give up attempting to tame the mass; Lily would bounce around the dwelling, her hair flopping with her. 

Hair was one of the few things that signaled differences. Of course, everyone looked different, they were all unique, but they had the same hair and eyes. Except for the rarities like Jonas, with his light eyes. Some hair was lighter than others, but it mostly evened out by the time one started School. 

Hair type was a different thing. Some had fine, almost cloth-like hair. Some had thick hair, some wavy, some super straight. And some, like Lily, had hair that refused to be tamed, sticking out in different directions, no matter how much water he or Maire put on it. 

"I want to go," Lily pouted. Even at Two, she was very vocal about what she wanted, and often spoke without really thinking. 

"Lily-billy, only the Sixes are going. You are a Two, not a Six."

She looked upset by this, but then shook her head. "No, now I am a Six. I go." 

Ellis smoothed her hair, "But if you're a Six, you get to miss being a Three, and won't get your jacket, and a Four, and a Five. That would not be very fun, would it."

"Besides," added Maire. "Now it will just be Father and I for evening meal and Sharing of Feelings, and we will give you more time. Does that sound like a fair trade."

As with Jonas, Sharing of Feelings was quite the affair when the children were younger. From the time they could form sentences, parents were expected to have them participate in the nightly Sharing of Feelings, shaping their language skills. Lily was keen on this, and took to Sharing with a relish, and often meal-time turned into a longer period of time as they worked with Lily though her words. 

When Jonas had been a babe, he was very cautious about his feelings, holding on to the words to make sure they were right. Lily just put it all out there. Another difference of their children. 

Lily was even more excited now that she would get to have the whole time of Sharing of Feelings, without having to wait for Jonas to go first and carefully and slowly work through his feelings. She would wriggle in her chair as she waited for Jonas to finish, her brother testing her patience (and not successfully, most nights). Tonight was no exception; she was already bouncing while Ellis spoke, followed by Maire.

Jonas did not seem excited about the trip. "I will have to line up with Pierre, and Pierre tattles on _everything_ Fiona and I do."

"How does that make you feel?" Maire asked.

"Bad," Jonas said, lowering his head. He looked up after a moment, his eyes glistening, "But we aren't even breaking rules! He just tattles anyway!"

"Why do you feel bad if you aren't breaking any rules?" Ellis asked gently. He had been lucky with his line mates; neither of them caused too much trouble for him growing up. 

Jonas shifted in his seat now, and Lily took that as an opportunity to speak, "Bad, bad. Bad Jonas." She giggled, pleased with herself. 

"I'm not bad!" Jonas said hotly.

"Hush, Lily, it's not your turn," Maire said, and Lily flopped back in her chair, admonished. "No, Jonas, you're not misbehaving when Pierre tattles on you. Why do you think Pierre does it? Does he maybe want to be included in what you and Fiona are doing?"

Jonas stuck his jaw out, "No. He doesn't like Asher. He tells on Asher all the time, and once Asher hit him and got smacked with the wand and then again because he didn't say sorry and I wouldn't say sorry neither, because Pierre is mean and the Instructor always tells Fiona and me to behave."

"You wouldn't say sorry _either_ , Jonas, not neither. Do you understand your mistake?"

"I wouldn't say sorry either. Pierre is mean," Jonas corrected. 

Since Maire had done the correcting, Ellis decided to focus on the larger issue at hand.

"Jonas," he said carefully. "If you and Fiona aren't misbehaving when Pierre tattles, why do you feel bad?"

"The Instructor tells us to behave," Jonas said quietly. "Pierre will tell her everything we do, and she just says to 'behave Jonas and Fiona' and we aren't doing anything wrong."

Ellis looked at Maire, and shrugged. How did one explain to a Six that this was how some people were, and the best thing to do was ignore it until the Instructor was actually talking to them about misbehaving?

"Pierre sounds very different from you," Maire started, looking to Ellis for guidance. He nodded his support. 

"I think you should be patient with Pierre," Maire said. "And try to understand that while he is different from you, he still might like to have fun like you and Fiona do, but he doesn't know how." 

"Maybe," Jonas hedged.

Ellis signaled to Maire to not push the issue any longer. Not letting other people affect him was a lesson that Jonas was going to have to learn on his own, and possibly the hard way. 

When Jonas returned two evenings later, he didn't have any notices with him, though he did seem a bit more withdrawn.

Lily seemed excited to see him, "Jonas back! Jonas back! Tell us!" She even raced over to her chair in the kitchen and settled herself in. "Jonas story time!"

"We told her last night that you would tell her a story of the Community," Maire explained to Jonas. They indulged Lily by having everyone help in the kitchen for evening meal. "Do you have a good one you can tell us? Was there any trouble with Pierre?"

"Let him take a breath first," Ellis teased, setting the warmed fish carefully on four plates. Then came the corn, then the apple slices. He passed two plates to Maire, who set them in front of Jonas and Lily. Once he was settled, he turned to Jonas. "Jonas-bonus, how was the trip to a different Community?"

Jonas, who was looking at Lily (and occasionally making funny faces at her), started speaking without breaking eye contact with his sister, " _They_ don't have Elders. They have someone called a Speaker and President, but he's not like our Speaker. He's like … like the Chief Elder, only there are two of them!" He moved his hands as he talked, exaggerating for Lily's benefit. And the Speaker was male and the President female, and they gave a really _looooong_ speech about us and our community, and then we went to play. And then Pierre tried to tattle to one of their Supervisors, but they said that he was being difficult, so he didn't complain the rest of the whole time we were there!" He continued, detailing exactly how they had played (with diggers and construction sets).

Lily soaked it up like water, gasping at certain points, and laughing at others. She clapped her hands when she liked a part of the story, and would even shake her head while Jonas discussed things that he did not like (the sleeping arrangements, which placed five males or five females in each room).

"I didn't even fall asleep until it was almost morning," Jonas said, finishing his story, much to Lily's disappointment. He turned to his parents, "May I go to sleep early tonight?"

"After Lily shares her feelings, you may," Maire said, stacking the dishes, as Jonas' story had taken quite some time to tell. "Before that, tell us about Pierre? Did you learn anything?"

Jonas' face broke into a devilish grin, "Yes. I'm going to tell the Instructor that he's being difficult when he tries to tattle on me and Fiona."

That wasn't the best solution to the problem, Ellis knew, but Jonas was tired, and it was conversation that could wait until the following day.

"Lily-billy!" he called to his daughter. "How was _your_ day?"

* * *

When Jonas turned Eight, the first place he wanted to volunteer was at Law and Justice, with Maire. 

At the Sharing of Feelings over the evening meal, Maire could barely hold back her laughter, "... and he didn't even reach over the top! Nor did his friend Jacob, who is incidentally, Colten's son."

"Did you like it, Jonas?" Ellis asked. Jonas shook his head, which caused Maire to laugh some more. 

"We had to sort papers and didn't get to do anything like what Mother does," Jonas said."Asher said it wouldn't be any fun and he and Fiona went to the Childcare Center. And it was too much walking to Mother's offices."

Such things were important to an Eight, who didn't have the ease-of-access of riding around on a bicycle. 

"You could come with me to the Nuturing Center," Ellis suggested.

Jonas was having none of that. His nose scrunched in disgust, "I don't like them when they are so small. Lily took _forever_ to get older."

"And now you volunteer and don't play with me at the Childcare Center after school!" Lily sulked. 

"Asher and Fiona were there," Jonas shot back. 

Ellis held up a hand. "Children. What is the rule on fighting?" Almost in unison they both sighed their apology for fighting. "I accept your apologies. Now, Jonas, if you don't want to volunteer with Mother or I, where would you like to go?"

Jonas thought about it, and Lily sighed. She didn't like it when Jonas took his time to think about things. She was patient today though, and looked at Jonas without interrupting his thoughts, or distracting him by shifting in her chair. 

"Wherever Asher goes, I guess," he said, finally. "But all Asher wants to do is go play some more. Maybe the House of the Old?"

"You could try there next," Maire suggested, and Ellis nodded. He didn't think Jonas would last very long at the House of the Old, but it would be good for him to try everything. "But maybe not tomorrow, I think Lily would like it if you played with her instead, tomorrow."

Lily's eyes lit up and she nodded, "Yes, please! You can show me and the Fours all the fun games to play after we do our schoolwork!"

Jonas looked a bit put out by this. "I don't have to _all_ the time, do I?"

"We'll start with tomorrow," Ellis said. "But you should be nice to your sister."

"How come Asher and Fiona don't have a sister or brother?" Jonas asked. "I told them not to get one."

Lily opened her mouth to object, but Jonas was already apologizing. Lily looked like she didn't want to accept the apology, and Ellis nudged her hand with his.

"Fine," Lily said. "I accept your apology, Jonas. Will you still play with me tomorrow?"

Ellis was certain that Jonas wanted to say no, that Jonas wanted to play with his own friends, but Jonas was also a kind and compassionate child, who could tell that Lily would be very upset if he said no. "We can play, but Asher and Fiona don't have a brother or sister, and they might feel left out - well, Asher won't, he will play with anyone - so I won't play all the time."

Satisfied with that, Lily went back to her meal. Jonas rolled his eyes at Ellis, and Ellis only winked back. That was part of having little sisters. 

"I would play with Katya, my sister, too," Ellis comforted Jonas. "Like Lily, she understood that I couldn't play with her every day, especially as I had to get my volunteer hours in. You are lucky there is one more year between you than there was between me and Katya. Imagine trying to finish your hours while sneaking your sister a turn on your bike!"

Everyone at the table laughed, and Maire looked wistful, "I was the older one. My brother, Juan, was a full nine years younger than me! Your friends, Jonas, might find the same thing - not being a sibling until they are much older. I got my bicycle and a brother on the same day."

Jonas looked at her, his pale eyes very wide, "I, would not like a little newchild that late. I am happy to have Lily."

Ellis sighed, though not with disappointment. So it was true; his son did not like newchildren even a little bit. 

"No volunteering with the little ones, then," Ellis said, putting a happy spin on it.

" _Unless_ it's playing with Lily," Jonas clarified. "But not all the time. We have to do what Fiona wants too."

"Maybe later you can try Law and Justice again, when you're a bit older," Maire said. "You are a very fair person, and we need fair people in Law and Justice."

Jonas considered this, sticking his tongue in his cheek as he contemplated what to say. "I would like it when it could be more fun," he settled on. "And when I can see over the counter."

This set Maire off into a fit of laughter again, bringing the table full circle.

* * *

The next three years passed quickly, Jonas and Lily growing up more and more quickly each day. Even work had been without incident for a long time. The days added up, and nothing changed, which was a good thing.

After Jonas had been reminded not to take snacks home with him, things at the Nurturing Center started to fall apart. Number Thirty-Six was struggling to sleep through the night, and it was getting closer and closer to the Ceremony. He was still underweight as well. The Committee was meeting to discuss what to do with him, and Ellis had asked to be there to make a statement. He was nervous.

He wished it had been his year to be on the Committee; it would have been easier to be the one discussing with the Committee his process from the beginning - starting with the odd birth. 

That wasn't here nor there, though and he wasn't on the Committee, so he had to convince them in one setting to keep Thirty-Six for another year. He couldn't remember the last time such a dispensation had been granted. 

"Why don't you tell us why you're here?" Kenichi started, at the head of the horseshoe. 

Ellis nodded, "I'm here about Thirty-Six, who is not thriving. He is slightly underweight, and he does not sleep through the night, which I'm sure you all know."

One of the Nurturer's Assistants, a girl named Sophia, who had just joined them two years ago, nodded. He smiled at her, hoping to encourage her to speak up. It was how she would learn best. She ducked her head though, still too shy to speak in front of the whole group. 

"I'm here to appeal for more time for Thirty-Six. He has not been in the extra care section that long, but I know the time is fast approaching to make a decision about the Ceremony. I fully agree that Thirty-Six is not ready to go to a new family, though I do not think we should consider Thirty-Six a failure to thrive just yet." 

Another Nurturer shook his head, "Ellis. It's been months. The night nurturers are exasperated and exhausted with attempting to calm him down at all hours of the night. He had a complicated birth, that is definitely a factor in what is going on. We must consider that we made a mistake in the attempt to save the child."

Ellis hadn't been there for the birth, just heard the stories trickle out after the birth, after Thirty-Six had been nestled into his crib. 

He looked at the Committee quizzically. "I have been writing his charts for you, but all I know of his life started when he was brought back to the Center on the day of his birth," he said carefully. If they wished to elucidate on the matter, they could. 

Kenichi nodded, "There was a mistake in the assignment of one of the women to be Birthmother. Thirty-Six, her first birth, had to be cut out of her to survive. It's rare, but sometimes it happens. Usually with twins, not a single birth." 

Ellis was stunned that the rumors were exactly true. 

"And the Birthmother?" he asked. "If she did not survive, perhaps there is some bond that-" 

"No," Kenichi interrupted. "She survived, though she is no longer a Birthmother."

Ellis took a deep breath, unsure of how to continue. How could he convince the Committee that Thirty-Six just needed more time? 

"I think he might do best if someone can give him more dedication throughout the night," Ellis said, trying to be courageous. He had briefly explained to his family the night before that he might be asking the Committee to bring the child home. Lily and Jonas had readilly agreed, but later that night, Maire expressed her doubts about having a third child in the home, and an infant at that. It had taken some convincing to reassure her that this would be for the best. 

"I'm here fully supported by my spouse," Ellis continued. "I would like permission to bring Thirty-Six home to my dwelling during the nights." And also for more time, but that had already been asked, and was implied. 

The new Assistant looked confused about that. "You can _do_ that?" she blurted out, and everyone laughed. 

"Yes, Sophia," Kenichi said warmly. "You will see, during your time here, that the night nurturers are not as rigorous with their care as we are. Sometimes, in circumstances such as this, a Nurturer will take a child home until the behavior is corrected." 

Sophia looked embarrassed by having everyone laugh at her; Ellis smiled at her again. She was a good Assistant, assigned in the room next to his, with Nash. She would not have to worry about being a night nurturer at all. 

"I think we should let him, then," Sophia said, shrugging her shoulders, as though this were a relatively simple matter. 

"Ah, youth," said a Nurturer down on the left end of the horseshoe. "I think, if only to show Sophia here something she might not see in a good many years, we can permit the extension. With the understanding that Thirty-Six will have to make significant progress for the next Committee."

Several others nodded; now that this was a teaching moment, and not just the desperation of a Nurturer who did not want to fail, it was more acceptable, though not all were convinced. 

"It's been months," the first Nurturer spoke again, shaking his head vigorously. "It's been months, there was a problem with the birth, and it were just sleeping, that would be one thing, but he's still not far enough above his birthweight. This isn't one problem you're seeking to correct, it's several. Is this really a wise idea?" 

"Yes!" Ellis said quickly. "You speak of the problems, but you fail to take how he has succeeded into consideration as well. He can grab for things, he's excellent at games, he can play at shapes, and he doesn't upset the other children when they are in the play area. Except for his sleeping problems, which are likely connected to his weight problems, he is a good newchild." The passion was thick in Ellis' voice. No, he did not want to fail, but perhaps, even more than that, he did not want to fail _this_ newchild. 

The newchild who had the same pale eyes as his son. 

"So you believe if you get his weight up, he will sleep, or if he sleeps he will get his weight up?" Kenichi asked, his pencil at the ready to write down whatever Ellis suggested. 

"The former," Ellis said. "Once his weight is up, he should be be so disturbed during the night, and should be able to sleep soundly." 

Kenichi nodded again. "I think, unless there is objection, we will take a vote? Ellis, if you'd step outside?"

He went outside and paced down the hall; Nash tried to come talk to him, but he brushed the man away. He wished he could have stayed inside for the vote and the discussion afterwards. If they voted no, he would ask to the Release. They had to grant him that, at least. 

After several more tense moments, Kenichi opened the door, smiling kindly at Ellis. "It was close, Ellis, but you've managed to convince enough of them. Stop by my office later, there are many forms you and your family are going to have to fill out." 

That evening, he brought the forms home with him, and everyone carefully signed, saying they would not get attached, and they knew it was temporary. Though Lily had pouted, and gone last. 

"Maybe you can just ask for a variance," she said, as she signed. "And then he can stay. And I don't have to be the youngest." 

"Don't even think it," Maire chided, but she wasn't speaking to Lily, she was speaking to Ellis. 

He shook his head, "I'm not. Little Gabriel will be tomorrow after work, and he'll stay just until he gets his birthweight up and can sleep through the night. That's all." It was a promise, the final two words, though Maire did not look convinced. 

* * *

Ellis felt - well, he didn't know how he felt as he watched Lily and Jonas join their age groups for the ceremony. Lily would be an Eight, and excited to volunteer. He knew she'd be joining him at the Nurturing center for certain. Jonas, on the other hand, Ellis didn't know what Jonas would be. Not a Nurturer. Not a Doctor. Not an Engineer. He was too serious to be involved in play activities. Perhaps he'd be an Instructor. 

"Jonas would be a good Instructor," he whispered to Maire, who nodded back. 

"A nice blend of you and me," she added. 

"Kind, yet disciplined, able to be compassionate towards struggling children …"

"Hush!" Maire chided. "Now that's all I can think about, and what if he's not picked for that?"

Ellis looked chagrined, but Maire was still smiling. They were on the same page. Instructor. And if it wasn't, he knew the Elders would pick a good career for him. At least he wasn't Birthmother. Ellis looked at the sea of Twelves - 35 girls and 15 boys. Sixteen of those girls would go on to be Birthmothers and Laborers; it was a fate that he now worried about with Lily, after her impish desire to be one. He could only hope the Elders hadn't been listening at that time. 

Nineteen. Thank goodness that Jonas was Nineteen and not forty-something. 

"I think I'd collapse from nerves if Jonas were any higher than twenty-five," he murmured to Maire.

Maire laughed, "Always the impatient one! You're lucky Lily has such a low number as well."

"Admit it, you don't want to sit here and listen to forty-one other Twelves get assigned before they get to Jonas."

"No, Eighteen is more than enough," Maire admitted. 

They started, with One, a girl named Madeline. She had been a bright-eyed baby, Ellis remembered. A very curious girl, which the Chief Elder was discussing with them now, how her curiosity led her sitting by the river, asking why they didn't let the fish swim in there, instead of at the Hatchery. The crowd laughed, Ellis and Maire among them. He knew what was coming before the Chief Elder assigned the girl to Fish Hatchery. 

The second (and they were only on the second, to Ellis' disappointment), was a girl named Inger. Ellis tried to remember her. She had been fussy, but had settled down eventually. 

"I know her," Maire said quietly. "Poor girl tried to volunteer at Law and Justice. We finally had to suggest she go somewhere else."

Ellis frowned, peering at Inger. That was never a good sign. Sure enough, the Chief Elder announced Birthmother, and they all applauded politely.

"I bet her parents are devastated," Maire said softly. 

Ellis could only nod. 

Isaac became the Instructor of Sixes, and Maire's eyes widened slowly.

He whispered quickly to her, "Jonas would be better with Eights or Nines." She seemed placated by this, but Ellis wasn't. What could they assign his son if everything else had been taken? Engineer? He almost laughed at the thought. 

Asher's story brought much laughter from the crowd. "The fact that he's good friends with Asher has to help," Ellis said. "Asher requires much patience. Maybe Jonas will wind up in Law and Justice with you."

Maire shook her head, miming a bite of an apple. Ah, the apple. Was one deed really all it took to prevent someone from an assignment? For the first time in a long time, he thought of Roman. Roman had only needed one bad deed, but Ellis had given him several. Was that his mistake? 

Two girls, Olesya and Mable, Thirteen and Fourteen, both became Birthmothers as well. They had never volunteered with him, and he didn't know them at all. The Fifteen was assigned to be a Doctor, a male who looked like he needed a good talking to about pride. His assignment wasn't any more important than anyone else's. A few people in the crowd had noticed as well; while there was clapping, there was a low murmur as well.

"His parents must be so embarrassed," he whispered to Maire, who nodded. 

"He was another volunteer in Law and Justice, I'm surprised the Elders gave him such a position. He told us he wanted to be Chief Elder someday," Maire added.

He barely listened as the next two boys were assigned. The Fifteen was an Engineer, and the Seventeen was Law and Justice.

"Oh, good," Maire said. " _He'd_ make a good Elder."

Finally, the Chief Elder was talking about Fiona.

"... her sweet and caring nature makes her perfectly suited for the House of the Old. Fiona, thank you for your childhood," the Chief Elder said, and again, applause followed. 

"Oh," Maire said, looking happy. "I had been hoping she wouldn't be a Birthmother."

"The Chief Elder has been a good model for her," Ellis whispered back, remembering just a few years ago when he and Fiona's mother had discussed the matter. She handled the position well, and Ellis had no qualms with her.

Then - then everything in his stomach dropped, almost like it had ten years ago. They skipped Jonas' name. A few of the other parents turned to look at the parents, the murmurs in the crowd quieting down as the Chief Elder spoke of Miguel. Ellis couldn't hear her words; Maire's face matched exactly how he felt. 

By name Thirty, the feeling hadn't abated, and the two sat in silence while the rest of the names were called. There was no more banter about who had been chosen for what, or how many Birthmother positions were still left to be assigned ("The girls in the forties are probably furiously counting," Maire would comment in the past, even giving Ellis an updated tally. "Eleven gone, and we're only at Twenty-Four? Lackluster group this year."). Instead, there was nothing.

Finally, when the Chief Elder had finished, she turned to the crowd. 

"I know," she started, her voice low in tone, but still ringing throughout the auditorium, "that you are all concerned. That you feel I have made a mistake."

Yes, you did, Ellis thought hotly. You left Jonas out! The community relaxed under her, but Ellis held himself coiled tightly. It _was_ a mistake! 

She apologized and the community rippled the acceptance back to her, which angered Ellis. It wasn't their child who had been singled out like this, unfairly.

She called Jonas to the stage, and he looked like he might fall over; he was not the apprehensive, but quietly courageous boy that he had been that morning. 

"Jonas has not been assigned," the Chief Elder said, and Ellis had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from shouting out.

"Jonas has been _selected_." Ellis knew; Maire knew too, she reached over and grabbed his hand and held it tightly. 

The Chief Elder continued, her voice calm and determined. It was an enormous thing she had to oversee, something she'd had to oversee from the moment she had been selected as Chief Elder, "Jonas has been selected to be our next Receiver of Memory."

Several parents turned to look at them now, and Ellis smiled at them, though shakily. Yes, it was a great honor, but it was not something he entirely wanted for his son. Jonas was too kind, for it perhaps. The Chief Elder was discussing the process, but Ellis wasn't listening. He was thinking about raising Jonas, about everything they had done. 

Of children with pale eyes, and what it all really meant. 

"I don't know what to think," Maire whispered. Still gripping his hand. 

Ellis nodded down at the new Eights, "Lily doesn't either. What are we going to say?"

"We'll ask her what she doesn't understand first," Maire suggested. 

Ellis squeezed her hand to stop her, "Ability to See Beyond? What? How could Jonas?" His thoughts were a mess now. What the Chief Elder was saying made no sense at all. Jonas couldn't "See Beyond" anything. Jonas was a normal child, who did normal things. Jonas was friends with Asher, and Fiona, and kind to his sister, who demanded all of his patience. Jonas was good at his school-work, and had a kind temperament. Where in there was Seeing Beyond? Where in there was the extraordinariness that the Chief Elder was saying he possessed? 

The Chief Elder once again interrupted his thoughts, speaking to Jonas, "... we thank you for your childhood."

Then the crowd began to chat, as they had done when the Chief Elder had been named all those years ago, after the failure of the past Receiver, whose name they had chanted like this as well. 

Over and over again, two syllables punctured the air, and as they did, Ellis sought out the eyes of the current Receiver, if only to get an idea of why. There, in the middle of the Elders, was a bearded man with pale eyes. When his eyes met Ellis', he looked away quickly, as though he were in pain.


	5. Losing Jonas

The Community Elder had informed him at his work that Jonas would be staying with the Receiver of Memory that night, no doubt to leave him some time to decide what to do with Gabe - it was so close to the Ceremony, if he could make it through the night without Jonas, he'd be off to a family in just two days.

"Let's leave him here for the night," Nash suggested. "See how he does ahead of the Ceremony."

"I was thinking the same thing," Ellis said quietly. "It'll be good for him. I don't know how Jonas does it, but something is working. No reason he can't sleep the night here."

He did think that the Night Nurturers - who for very understandable reasons couldn't be Laborers/former Birthmothers - might be in for a hell of a night, but they'd been through this before. 

The Nurturer assigned to his room was a young woman named Samantha. She was a bit nervous, skittery. Ellis didn't know her that well. 

"Thirty-Six," he said, pointing to the bassinet with Gabe in it. "Keep a close eye on him." 

She seemed very chipper at being given a specific request, "Of course, sir!"

"Ellis," he corrected her gently. "Call me Ellis."

He gave one last look to Gabe, waved bye-bye, and headed home. 

Lily was not pleased.

"But where is he?" she asked, her hair loose in her ribbons again. 

"Come here, Lily-Billy, let me retie your ribbons," he said. "And I'll explain." 

"I'm just going to take them out for bed, after Sharing of Feelings," she protested, but complied. "And where's Jonas?"

Ellis took a deep breath. Leave it to Lily to ask so many questions. "Jonas is with the Receiver of Memory tonight, for some additional training. Since he's gone, we're seeing how Gabe handles being alone for the night."

Lily wriggled impatiently as he tied the ribbons as tight as he could, though he didn't think they'd last through the meal. "Maybe," she said, practically bouncing, "Maybe if Jonas goes to stay with the Receiver of Memory forever, we can keep Gabe!"

"Lily, we talked about this," Maire's voice came from the kitchen, a warning tone in her voice. 

Lily pouted in response, "I don't care what paper I signed, I wish he could stay."

"Me too, goose," Ellis said softly. He hoped the speakers hadn't picked that up. He gave her bows a little tug. "I think you're good to go, my Millie-Lily. And your Mother is right, you know the rules. The Ceremony is just in a few days, and then Gabe will go to his new family."

"I hope he has a sister, just like me," Lily said. Then she realized the implications of that, and frowned. "No. There's only one of me. This isn't identical-twin Elsewhere. I don't want someone to be like me at all."

Happy with herself once more, she hopped into the kitchen, and he could hear her asking Maire if she needed help getting the meal ready. 

The mood was too good to last; he got the to Center early that morning, hoping to find Gabe awake and bright-eyed. Instead, he found Samantha near tears.

"All he did was cry!" she moaned. "I tried everything, Ellis, I did. All the tricks you guys have been teaching me about if they wake up, and nothing seemed to work at all. Nothing at all! I even thought going outside might help, but it didn't'! I know I wasn't supposed to go outside, but I took his bracelet off and-"

So it had been a failure. Ellis couldn't let his disappointment show. "You did nothing wrong, Samantha," he said, his voice firm. "There's no need to cry about it." 

"I apologize for crying," she said hastily, and he noticed she stood herself up a bit straighter. Good. That was why she hadn't been made full Nurturer, and was only a Night Nurturer. He remembered her training. She wasn't the sort of person who could take that next step of responsibility and make her own decisions. Her taking the initiative to take Gabe outside as a last-ditch effort was the first time he'd seen that from her.

He smiled at her, "I accept your apology. I take it Kenichi knows what happened?"

"I was here," came Kenichi from behind them. His face was hard. "I wanted to see if he would thrive."

Thrive. The word nearly knocked Ellis to his feet. Thrive. Gabe hadn't thrived. Gabe only thrived with Jonas. That meant another Release. 

"So soon after the twins," Ellis murmured.

Kenichi nodded. "I'll do it. No sense in whoever is-"

"Sara," Ellis said automatically. "I apologize for interrupting." 

Kenichi held up a hand, "Accepted. No need for Sara to do it."

"I'd like to be your assistant," Ellis said, hardly knowing what he was saying. His voice sounded sour. Kenichi looked at him strangely for a moment, but nodded. "Thank you," Ellis managed to gasp, before he had to leave for the restroom. 

There were speakers in there, too, he couldn't let this flood of emotion show. He didn't know what it was. He was angry, scared, confused, and this last one, this last one he didn't know how to name. He took a few calming breaths and threw some water over his face. 

"You have to get through the day," he told himself. "You have to get through the day."

A meeting was called after lunch to decide what to do with Gabe.

"He's probably been assigned," said Magdalene, an older nurturer whom Ellis did not particularly care for. "Can you imagine the parent that thinks they're going to get a child this-"

"There's a mother due," said Nash. "Though most parents don't like the new-newchildren."

"Not in enough time," his assistant, Whitlyn, pointed out. "She'd have to give birth today, and no parent wants an infant that is that fresh."

Ellis tuned out the back and forth that followed; it didn't last that long before Kenichi called for the vote. 

Ellis didn't hesitate to raise his hand. It was near unanimous. They would release Gabe in the morning. 

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Kenichi came to him, "You came early today, leave early."

"It's not right," Ellis said bitterly. They were in the corner, and Ellis was trying desperately to keep his voice calm.

"You voted to Release him as well," Kenichi said softly. "Ellis, this is for the best. It's how the system works. It's how we _know_ the system works."

"If I could apply for a variance …" Ellis trailed off.

Kenichi shook his head, "They would not give you one. He cannot thrive, Ellis. Go home. We know how fond you are of Thirty-Six."

Ellis frowned. He was fond of Thirty-Six, little Gabe. He would walk, and talk, and was a member of the Community. "This isn't like a newchild. He - he - he doesn't know any better!"

"No." Kenichi said, his voice firm. "No. He needs to be Released. You know he cannot go to the Childcare Center. You cannot take care of him. Your responsibility is to those who _can_ thrive. We don't know what other problems Thirty-Six will have later. Go home. That's an order."

"And Thirty-Six?"

Kenichi paused, and Ellis felt like he was going to collapse if he wasn't permitted to take the toddler home. 

He added, "Lily is only an Eight. She doesn't understand the way Maire, Jonas, and I do."

Kenichi nodded, "Yes. Paloma might give you some trouble." 

"I can handle Paloma," Ellis said, relief flooding through him. They could say goodbye, at least. 

"I'll finish the paperwork for Thirty-Five before I leave," Ellis offered. When Kenichi did not make to protest, he headed into the main room. Gabe could sense something was going on today when Ellis didn't immediately come to play with him. 

There was a volunteer there, offering to play with Gabe, but Paloma snatched him away, and stuck him in a crib. He wailed, then, incessantly. Ellis tried to finish the paperwork for Thirty-Five, a lively boy named Rene, but Gabe's shouting was wearing him down. Kenichi had said he could leave, and he was going to leave. 

"I'm leaving early," he announced. Nash looked up from his corner, but didn't say anything. Paloma glared at him.

"Excuse me?"

He shrugged, "I have a headache." He indicated to Gabe, still crying. He brushed off her indication to get some medication. He didn't need Relief-of-Pain medicine. He needed to take Gabe home, where they would have one final goodbye. He was angry that he'd failed Gabe. He was angry that he'd voted for Release. He was angry at how the rest of the Nuturers were treating Gabe. 

"I'll take him with me now. You know he spends the nights in my dwelling."

He would be reprimanded for this later. Paloma would complain to Kenichi - or the Elders - and he would be reprimanded severely for this. It was not proper to question the authority of a supervisor; while Kenichi was the Head Nurturer, Paloma still out-ranked him. 

"No need," she snapped at him. "He might as well stay tonight." In a little bit of a subdued tone, one that revealed that she too, was affected by how they had failed, she added, "What's the point?"

He was definitely going to be reprimanded. Not only was he arguing, he was doing in front of several other people. "The point is that my family is fond of him, and I would like the have him with us this evening." 

Paloma looked for a moment like she was going to argue the point, but she conceded, turning back to her paperwork. "Bring him back early tomorrow."

For the Release. Paloma didn't know that he'd offered to help. Instead of being spiteful about her clear order to him, he relented. "I will," he nodded.

He knew the girl volunteering was fond of Gabe; he knew because she waited for him on their path home. He didn't mind. Gabe had that effect on people; she deserved to say goodbye. 

When Claire asked where Gabe was going, he couldn't answer. He tried to justify it to himself, in justifying it to her. He repeated Kenichi's words to her, "It's for the best. It's the way the system works." He wasn't thriving. Ellis hadn't been able to get him to thrive. 

When he got back to his dwelling, he was subdued. He placed Gabe on the floor, and let the toddler play. Lily was excited to have Jonas back, and Ellis let her talk. Maire was talking about her work, and Ellis was trying to pay attention, but couldn't. 

"Even I voted for Gabriel's release when we had the meeting this afternoon," Ellis said. He tried to keep his voice light, his tone happy. Jonas seemed shocked by the news, he stopped eating to ask him about it. 

"Release?" Jonas asked, and Ellis could hear the tension in Jonas' voice. Did Jonas know what Release was? He was the Receiver of Memory. He was to know everything in the community. Of course he knew what Release was. 

He met Jonas' eyes and nodded. "We certainly gave it our best try, didn't we?" he said, carefully, hoping - that if Jonas knew what Release was - he would pick up on the fact that not everyone at the table did. 

Maire backed him up, quickly, "Yes, we did." She would be glad to have Gabriel gone, Ellis thought. Not glad. Calmed. It had been hectic having him here at the dwelling, and he was a very lucky spouse that she hadn't filed for an annulment. 

Even Lily picked up on the affirmations and nodded her agreement as well. She was lucky she was only a child, still. In a few months, she would have forgotten about Gabriel entirely, fascinated with her volunteer hours. He'd make sure to suggest she came to the Center, to meet lots of _new_ infants. There would be a new Gabriel at the next Ceremony, but this Gabriel would be nothing but a memory to her.

"It's bye-bye to you in the morning," he called to Gabe, waving goodbye. 

The toddler mimicked him, "Bye bye! Bye bye!"

Everyone laughed, but Jonas, who pushed his food around on his plate. Ellis watched him, but he recovered quickly, excusing himself to go to his room. 

"Can I play with Gabe?" Lily asked, her hair ribbons once again untied. How they never managed to make it through a meal was beyond Ellis, but Gabe was giggling and trying to pull the loose ribbons.

"Only for a little," Ellis relented. 

Knowing that Lily could handle the toddler on her own, he followed Maire to their room.

"Thank you for your patience," he said quietly. 

"I'm just relieved that tomorrow we'll go back to a regular household!" Maire laughed. "Honestly, I was waiting every day for you to give in to Lily's demands and come home with a variance request." 

Ellis waved his hand, "He can't sleep through the night, they'd never have allowed it. The night staff was completely frazzled by him, I can't imagine what the Childcare Center would do." 

"You didn't share your feelings about it," Maire added. "The Release, I mean." 

"I'm disappointed. I feel like I've failed," Ellis admitted. "This isn't an identical twin, or someone wilfully breaking the rules of the community, or someone in the House of the Old."

Maire looked thoughtful for a moment, "Didn't you say there was a problem with his birth? Maybe a mistake was made then, not by you, and it was they who failed. You did the best you could."

Ellis nodded. He had done the best he could. "There was. We had to cut the Birthmother open to get him out. You are right. There should be protocol in such matters like that. Perhaps I'll speak with Kenichi about it after the Ceremony."

"I feel sorriest for the family unit that isn't getting their child," Maire said. 

Ellis felt sorriest for Gabriel, who had absolutely no say in the matter, but he said nothing. "Me too," he settled for. "Me too." 

* * *

Ellis knew something was wrong in the night before the wakeup call went off. He could feel it, a weird sense that haunted his bones. He didn't know what it was. He lay in his bed for a while, listening to Maire breathe before being unable the handle the tension. That's what it was, he was tense. He took a deep breath and slowly got out of bed.

He checked on Lily first, she was sleeping soundly in her bed, her little fist clenched tightly around her pillow as she dreamed. It softened him, momentarily; she'd always been a vivid dreamer. The stories she could tell …

Ellis shook his head. No. Something was wrong, and he had to find out what it was. Next was Jonas' room, with Gabe. 

It was empty. 

"Jonas?" he whispered into the house. It was possible Jonas had taken Gabe somewhere to soothe him. "Jonas?" he whispered again as he walked to the kitchen. No sign of him or Gabe.

He went outside the dwelling, standing in the pale light, looking up and down the path. "Jonas?" he called again, a bit louder. Then again, "Jonas!"

He was starting to worry. This wasn't like Jonas to take Gabe. Maybe he had taken Gabe to see the Receiver of Memory, tried to find a way to make Gabe stay. Jonas was like that, Jonas didn't want to see Gabe leave. He was only a Twelve, after all. Still in his sleeping clothes, he went for his bike, only it wasn't there. 

"Jonas!" he yelled. "Jonas, get back here!"

He leaned a hand against the dwelling wall. He had to think. He had to notify the Elders. He stumbled back inside and pressed the Emergency button on the closest speaker. "It's Jonas," he gasped. "Jonas is missing and he has the newchild with him."

"Please wait for assistance," came the reply, a cold drone reply with no tone at all. It must have been the night Speaker, if they had such a thing. How did they not understand? Jonas was missing!

"Ellis?" Maire's voice came from the hallway. "Ellis, what's wrong?"

"Jonas is missing," Ellis said in one exhaled breath. "Gabe is missing. My bicycle is missing."

Maire did not react as Ellis had hoped. She did not immediately start to worry. 

"I'm sure there is a logical explanation for Jonas going missing," she said. She looked to the speaker. "Did you inform the Elders?"

"They said to wait," Ellis said, his voice as dull as the Speakers' had been. "For assistance. Maire, why would he take Gabe? He knows - he knows what is to happen today."

"He's probably saying goodbye," Maire said, and Ellis noticed that her voice had a sharp edge to it. "He had a liking to Gabe, he didn't want him to go to another Community, is all."

Ellis had to ball his hands into fists to keep from saying anything. Maire knew what Release was; and she knew that he had to know what Release was, since he had spoken of performing the Releases, so why was she acting on pretence now? 

She'd never been comfortable with Gabriel coming to stay with them. He joked about it at work, and with the volunteer- Claire, who came in. She'd been more than patient, but this was just cold. Gabriel would go into the trash, like all the others who had failed to thrive. Like the Old. Like anyone who applied for it. He would cease to exist. How was she not understanding this? 

"I'll keep Lily out of the way," Maire said, matter of factly. Ellis could only nod. He should be worried about Lily, but he wasn't. She was fine, she would be fine. She was too young to know of anything, so what did it matter? Did Jonas know what Release was? He had to. He was the new Receiver; he knew everything, or was starting to. Had he tried to keep Gabe from that? Where would he go? There was nowhere to go. 

So lost was Ellis in his own thoughts, he didn't hear the Elders come in. When he looked up, he was startled to see the Receiver among them. The Chief was there as well, looking around the dwelling as though Jonas was simply hiding in the corner somewhere.

"Jonas and Gabe aren't with you?" Ellis asked. 

The Receiver only shook his head, looking absolutely shocked himself. 

"We will find them," an Elder said. "Do you know why Jonas would have taken the newchild?"

"Gabe was supposed to be Released," Ellis said haltingly. "I think -" he looked up at the Receiver. "I think, if I am not mistaken, he knows what Release is."

"What's Release?"

Ellis turned to look at his daughter, who was sleepily rubbing her eyes as she walked into the room. Maire was behind her, looking white as a sheet. 

"I - I apologize," she started to say, but the Chief Elder held up her hand and approached Lily herself.

"Lily," she said, smiling. "Lily, we're discussing Jonas, and this isn't a conversation for an Eight to be around. Go with your Mother to your room; one of the Elders will stay here and having morning meal with you, how does that sound? A rare treat!"

Ellis wasn't certain Lily would buy it, but Lily was the sort of child whose imagination took a fancy turn wherever it happened to be directed, and she lapped up what the Chief Elder was saying. 

"He can sit where Father sits, then," Lily said. "And then for Sharing of Dreams, I have a really good one that I can tell him, and he can tell me if I would be a good Storyteller, Mother says we haven't had one in a while and-"

"Come on, Lily," Maire said, guiding Lily to her room. An Elder moved from the main room to just outside Lily's doorway.

Standing guard, Ellis thought. What do they think they are guarding? In a flash, it hit him. They wanted to know if Lily knew anything; they were going to use morning meal to ask her and Maire everything they hadn't listened to on the speakers. 

"Come," said the Chief Elder to him. "We will look for Jonas together."

They followed the path right, into the center of the Community; Ellis saw more Elders had gathered. The Receiver was speaking, directing them where to search. He tried to think back to the boy who had been lost just a few years prior - what had his name been again? - but he couldn't remember how the search had played out, or what the Community Elders had done. 

This wasn't the same, though; this was the Receiver of Memory who had gone missing after a full year of accepting memories. 

It would be disastrous if Jonas had been lost. 

"He wouldn't hurt Gabe," Ellis said firmly, the Receiver looking carefully at him. "Jonas wouldn't have hurt the child. He maybe was trying to - to give Gabe a last bicycle ride."

It was a stretch, but it was all he had. He knew, though, deep in his core, that Jonas wouldn't have hurt the child.

He stumbled in surprise as Kenichi approached the group. "All the other newchildren are accounted for, and none of the Birthmothers are missing," Kenichi said, not looking at Jonas. "If he wanted to take a newchild, he knew to take one without a tracking bracelet." This time he looked pointedly at Ellis. 

Ellis wanted to shrink. Of course. Of course if Jonas had wanted to steal a newchild (but _why_?) he had one easily accessible to him to take. 

"He wouldn't," Ellis repeated. "He wouldn't just take him. Something happened." 

"We don't believe Jonas wilfully stole a newchild," the Chief Elder said. "Kenichi, thank you for checking, you may return to your dwelling." She looked pained though, like she had wanted an easier explanation. 

"We will search all the dwellings, all the buildings, sound the alarms," she said. Ellis didn't follow as they dispersed; he stayed with the Elders. 

He stayed in the Plaza with the Receiver and the Chief Elder, and two other Elders. 

"He knows Release?" the Chief Elder asked the Receiver, quietly. 

The elderly man nodded, "He knows. He watched the Release of the identical."

Ellis went white. That had been him. He had been on the list and taken care of the identical. Jonas had watched him do it. It's how the system works, Ellis wanted to say. Did you tell Jonas that's how the system works? 

"We have to assume he wanted to stop the Release of the newchild," the Chief Elder said, but Ellis was no longer listening. He was stuck on the idea that Jonas had watched him with the identical. Jonas had watched, and said nothing. Jonas hadn't come home that night; Jonas hadn't come home that night because he had watched. 

He didn't know how to express what was going through his head. Wordlessly, he sank to the ground. An Elder approached him. 

"Come," the Elder said. She sounded gentle, and Ellis responded to the kindness by dutifully following her. "He will not have gotten far. We have others who will search. You must wait in your dwelling with your spouse and daughter."

At the dwelling, Lily was dressed for the day, but she was not to go to school. She had picked up on the anxiety. He didn't know what Maire had told her. Lily's ribbons were tightly tied, though; and Ellis knew she wouldn't be poking at them to get them undone. 

The speakers in every room were going off, detailing to the community who and what they were looking for, as well as descriptions. 

"Jonas didn't take Gabe's comfort object," Lily said quietly. She was holding the hippo and her elephant. Somehow, in the confusion of having the child come to stay with them, Lily had never surrendered her elephant. 

Ellis took it from her carefully, holding it by the tail, as Gabe had gnawed on most of the ears. "He has to be coming back," Ellis said. "You know how upset Gabe gets without his hippo."

"Maybe," Lily said, taking a deep breath. "Maybe he went to Elsewhere on his own, to take Gabe, because he wanted to the Release. He's the Receiver of Memory now, he can do things like that, you said he could."

"No," Maire said quietly. "When we explained it to you, we said that Jonas was a special person in the Community - the most revered."

"Yes, and that means he can do whatever he wants," Lily said, with a bit of a stubborn edge in her voice.

Ellis cleared his throat. "Both of you, not now," he said. He was pondering what Lily had said. If Jonas knew what Release was, and he knew other Communities existed, and he knew he wouldn't be missed until morning. It seemed plausible that he had run for another Community with Jonas. 

It was foolish, it wasn't like Jonas to do something like that. Jonas had integrity; he knew to follow the rules of the society. He knew that if he were caught - and how could he not be - that both he and the toddler would be Released. 

Why would he have done it? Ellis couldn't understand. Even he had understood that Gabriel wasn't thriving and needed to be Released; he might have been upset with it, and struggling to come to terms with it, but it was what needed to be done. It was how the system worked. 

Jonas had the most important - the most vital - role in the system. Why would he choose not to understand? 

"He'll be back," Ellis said, still holding the comfort object. "Once he realizes that he acted rashly, he'll come back."

* * *

It was the longest day and night of Ellis' life. The entire community had been turned upside down, looking for Jonas, and not even the slightest trace of him had been found. He knew the Pilot and the Pilot Assistance were flying around, looking for Jonas. 

_Elsewhere_ had been whispered by those in the community, who were not entirely certain about what was going on. Some of the more knowledgeable ones - the ones who knew what Release was, only shook their heads. Some who could remember the events of ten years prior looked fearful. 

_Elsewhere_ was a low murmur in the community, permeating even the children. Lily might have said it first, but she was far from being the only one to have the same idea. 

The Elders had sealed off the bridge that Andrei had designed, not permitting any one else to go across. There wasn't anything across the bridge, Ellis knew. Nothing but thick trees as far as the eye could see. 

He'd never bothered to wonder how those from other Communities came to theirs if they were not travelling by boat. They were questions that didn't need an answer. It wasn't as if knowing improved his life any, or the life of anyone in the community. 

Right now, an answer might improve Jonas' life, or Gabriel's. 

"It would be silly if he were trying to do the Release, and then came back and Gabriel had to be Released again," Lily had said during one of her bouts of talking to fill the silence.

That too, was under Ellis' skin. Jonas wouldn't come back willingly if he wanted Gabriel to not be Released.

It was foggy, his head, and he hardly knew his feet were moving and he was running until he was pushing past an Elder and out the door. He was running to the river, hoping to see a sign of Jonas. Maybe he was waiting to hear that it was all okay, that Gabe wouldn't be Released. Maybe that was all he needed.

"Jonas!" he yelled. "Jonas!"

An Elder had followed after him, but did not say anything or move to stop him. 

Ellis stood at the bank of the river, calling his son's name over and over again. "Jonas! Jonas! Jonas!" But the river echoed nothing back. The only sound was the water moving across the stones. He couldn't help but peer at them - waiting, looking for some sign. 

He paced by the river until his strength came back, and he called again, over and over again, refusing to believe that Jonas wouldn't come back. 

He saw Claire watching and screamed after her, "He took him! Jonas took the babe!" He let out a strangled cry and screamed again for Jonas, then turned back to Claire, who was silently watching. "He went to Elsewhere!" he screamed, because it was the only thing that made sense. "Elsewhere! Not knowing it's not real! There is no Elsewhere, Jonas!"

He broke down sobbing, and the Elder moved closer; he wasn't going to throw himself in the river - he'd only threatened to swim across to drag Jonas back, he couldn't attempt it himself. 

"Jonas!" He screamed over and over again, on his hands and knees, until he was performing his own Ceremony of Loss, Jonas' name slipping into the current of the river, until he could speak no more.

He could barely remember the Elder leading him back home. 

"It's been two nights," he whispered to Maire as they lay in their beds. "He's still gone."

"I know," Maire said quietly, turning to face him. "How did we fail as parents so badly, that Jonas would bring this dishonor on us?"

Dishonor and failing as a parent were the farthest two things from Ellis' mind. 

"I can't think about that," he admitted. "I just want Jonas home safe and well. I would rather he safe and well, even if we are looked at as bad parents."

Maire was quiet for a moment, "I wonder what they will do with Lily."

Ellis was horrified, "Why would they not let us keep Lily? We did not encourage Jonas to act recklessly at all."

"If the Receiver of Memory goes missing," Maire said, calmly, patiently, "they will need someone to place the blame on." 

Ellis shook his head. "Go to sleep, Maire. They will not blame us for Jonas' poor choice." He hoped they would blame the current Receiver; he must have done something to Jonas, altered him in some way. 

"You remember when he asked us about love?" he asked. "That was not us. That was not our fault, that he was so imprecise. That was the Receiver of Memory. If they try to make this our fault, we will say that, at trial." 

"It was not us," Maire agreed. "You are right. Go to sleep, Ellis. It's been a long day." She turned and fluffed her pillow, before settling back into it. Within moments she was sleeping. Ellis couldn't sleep. Finally, it was morning.

* * *

Lily said nothing at the table. 

"Do you have any Dreams to share?" Maire asked. 

They were trying to keep things as normal as possible for her, even if the community was in an uproar outside their dwelling. A third day of unscheduled holiday had been announced. 

Lily would have been elated at the news, but today she was not. 

"No," she said stubbornly. "I have nothing." 

"Lily, if you had a Dream, you need to share it," Ellis snapped. He sighed in frustration. "I apologize for snapping." 

Lily looked at her food and muttered, "'Cept your apology. Jonas was in my dream, and he was holding Gabriel, and I asked to play with him and Jonas said I'd never get to see him or Gabe ever again."

"Lily, it was a dream," Maire said softly. "That doesn't mean it's true." 

But Lily shook her head, "No, and then he said it was all my fault, and that if I could have gotten Gabe to go to sleep the night he was at the Receiver of Memory stupid Annex that none of this would have happened." 

Ellis looked at Maire, unsure of how to handle this. Maire looked just as unsure.

"Gabe was at the Nurturing Center, Lily," Ellis said softly. "Why do you think you should have gotten him to go to sleep? It wasn't your fault. The staff there couldn't get him to sleep either. None of this had anything to do with you. Gabriel isn't thriving."

Lily shook her head again, not wanting to hear it. "I thought maybe if Gabe were Released, I could go start volunteering at the transportation center, and maybe I would get to travel to communities and find Gabe at one of them."

Well, for an active imagination, Lily sure had a lot of practicality about her. 

"That's very smart," Maire said, smiling. "And when Jonas and Gabe are found, and Gabe is Released, you can do just that! Once everything settles down, I'll even walk you over there myself!"

Now Lily wriggled in her seat. Ellis knew it enough to know she was impatient. "They only let Ten and up volunteer there," she said. "So I wouldn't even get to to for two years!"

Ellis knew that in two years' time, enough would have happened in Lily's life that Gabe would be but a memory - a faint one. That was how it worked in the community. Only certain memories lasted, and even then, they existed faintly. 

If Ellis had to remember what his first year of training had been like, he could pick out a few things that had happened - the one time Nash spilled a tray of food for the infants, but that was it. Things stayed normal in the community, every day the same as the day before that. 

Maire though, Maire took this knowledge and pushed it at Lily, "Well, Lily, you have something to look forward to in two years then! How exciting! You'll get your hair cut at the Ceremony of Ten, and then the next day you can walk right over and volunteer. How does that sound?"

And Lily, fully indoctrinated into the idea of the community, nodded her head vigorously. 

"I would like that a lot," she said, her mood slowly returning to normal. "It would be a fun job if I were Assigned it at Twelve, going to see other Communities and talking with them! I could go see other places, I wonder what they look like. I bet they don't have a hill like ours that we can play on, and they might have a river too, but it'll be different. And the buildings will be different, probably laid out with different paths and different directions, and everything will be different."

Lily looked pleased with herself, and started to happily eat. 

Ellis knew he and Maire should share their dreams as well, but he didn't want to share his. His dreams of he and Maire being blamed for what had happened, for being led down the hallway to the room where Release happened. 

One glance at Maire told him she had dreams of the same sort - dreams that were best not spoken of in front of Lily. 

Lily, who could be distracted by a stray piece of string, was distracted by the idea of what other communities might have looked like. Ellis was happy to let her be. 

If Jonas didn't come back, this might be the last bit of normal she experienced. 

* * *

The knock came urgently. A community elder stood at the door. "Claire," was all the Elder said. "She volunteered with you, with the missing newchild."

Ellis said nothing, only stared at the Elder blankly. Yes, she had. She was a sweet girl, who had seemed wanting. She liked the newchildren, and Ellis had come to feel that she had received an assignment that she wasn't happy about. She would figure it out in time, that the Community had made the right choice for her. 

He thought of Katya and how she looked so pleased about it. He thought of Maire, chiding Lily for wanting to be a birthmother. Maire thought it was beneath Lily; Katya would have chided Maire about the importance of all their jobs. Katya would have been a good friend for Claire. 

"Did you ask Claire to leave with you the night you took Thirty-Six home before his Release?" the Elder demanded. 

Ellis nodded.

"She's disappeared as well; you need to come with me," said the Elder, and with that, Ellis understood what was happening; they were blaming him for some of it, for Gabe and Jonas disappearing. And now for Claire, wherever she had done. However she was connected. Ellis didn't know how she fit, but he did know that he was the thread that tied them all together - without him, none of them would have taken the paths that they had. 

He had become an aberration. Resigned to whatever would happen next, he slipped his shoes on and followed the Elder out the door and down the path.

"Where are you going?"

Lily and Maire had made their way to the door, Lily watching coldly. In the span of three days she'd lost her brother, a not-quite-brother, and now was about to lose her father. 

"She's only an Eight," Ellis muttered softly to the Elder, who nodded and took a step back, giving him a chance to say goodbye.

He motioned for her to sit on the stoop and sat down next to her.

"Well, Lily-billy, I have to go help them with Jonas."

Lily went from being cold to nonplussed in a heartbeat, "But how can _you_ help?"

He stood up and tugged on her braids gently, "That's a very adult question, with very adult answer. You go back inside with Mother, okay?"

She still looked perplexed, but got up and went back to stand with Maire in the doorway. 

Maire looked - and Ellis struggled for the word - terrified. He didn't quite understand what it meant, but it was wrong. 

Maire put her hand on Lily's shoulder, turning her away from him.

Ellis turned too and followed the Elder, and did not look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Citations:** the dialogue from 'The Children' when Jonas is Sorted is taken mostly from The Giver; the dialogue in 'Losing Jonas' when Ellis is with Gabe and Claire at the Center is taken entirely from Son; the dialogue in 'Losing Jonas' when Ellis informs the family that Gabe will be Released, is taken largely from The Giver.
> 
>  **Mistakes that Needed Fixing**  
>  -If one reads the Giver very carefully, they will see that Jonas' Mother chides Lily when she asks for her comfort animal as a Seven, saying she will soon surrender it. Later, after the Ceremony, when Lily is an Eight, and Jonas a Twelve, he tries to give her the memory of the elephant, while she is holding her comfort object! In the story, it's confusion over Gabe that permits her to keep it.
> 
> -Claire's eyes: I have issues with this. When Lily points out Gabe's eyes as the same as Jonas, we get exposition from Jonas on just how rare they are; surely Jonas would have noticed a child only two years older than him as having pale eyes? Something should have been tipped off with Jonas' Father about Claire having the same pale eyes as his son and the newchild he was taking home. Plus, it diminishes the impact of Gabe and Jonas to give them to Claire and not have Claire be "special" (she's not. the only reason she loves her son is because she stops taking the Stirring pills, not of any ability). I simply didn't address them, which is handwaving a little bit, but it's problematic for an examination of the text.
> 
> -In Son, they refer to the Giver as 'the Giver' though the Chief Elder never gives him that name: It's clear that in the Ceremony, when talking about Jonas' Selection, she never uses the words 'The Giver'. Those are given by the Giver himself, when Jonas asks what to call the older Receiver of Memory. This isn't really something that needed to be corrected as much as lazy writing, but in this story, there was no mention of 'the Giver', as that is a name only Jonas and the Receiver share. 
> 
> **A Few Notes**  
>  \- While writing this, I realized, thanks to the need for 50 birthmothers each year, that population counts and the gender divisions mean I could either have enough birthmothers and enough spouses, but not enough gender balance, or I could have gender balance, and enough birthmothers, but not enough spouses. Or, not enough birthmothers, but gender balance and enough spouses. I opted for the first, so girls are roughly double the amount of boys, though half of those girls will go on to be birthmothers and laborers. (It should be noted that Lowry went for option three in both Son and The Giver)
> 
> -In The Giver, it's suggested that Laborer is an Assignment that one can get at the Ceremony of Twelves; since such a large number of women are needed for birthmothers (but only for three years), I merged the two together, so Laborers are 98% former birthmothers. 
> 
> -In the chapter 'Nurturer', Ellis is faced with monozygotic separate-sex twins - meaning they are identical in all but sex. Monozygotic separate-sex twins ARE possible, though incredibly super rare, as it means the male is the result of a genetic defect that occurred when the fertilized egg split into two. So it was only fitting that the male be axed off. 
> 
> -One thing that has always bothered me from The Giver was blue eyes, and how they should be possible (as well as Fiona's hair). I was the geeky kid in your fifth-grade class when you read the Giver, raising my hand and telling the teacher it isn't possible. Well. I would like to apologize, officially, for that. As it turns out, eye color is not as simple as odds based on what color your grand-parents' eyes were. As it turns out, eye color is way more complex than that, and science is still working on exactly how works. Hair color is a little more straightforward, though genetic mutations can occur.
> 
> -My fascination with Jonas' Father stems from Son, where we are given the portrait of a man who does seem to be quite upset about Gabe's fate. I found the scene in the Nurturing Center on Gabe's last day problematic, as it suggested that Jonas' bitterness was more than misplaced. Then the implications of what Jonas was going to put these people through, without even a consideration of compassion for his family, hit me hard. I wanted to present a world that had softer edges than the surface that Jonas gave us. I wanted to give characters that had depth and the hints of what defines our humanity - our complex emotions and the complex relationships we build with one another. Jonas sees his father act cheery about Releasing Gabe, and the Nurturing Center shows him nearly defying orders - I blended the two ideas together, of a man - of an entire community that cares, but they are tortuously and terribly bound to follow the absolute laws of society or face a horrific fate. 
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed.


End file.
